John Branyan
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Latest post from John's Comedy Sojourn

--- The Jesus Proxy ---

 

Him too? …Sign me up!

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord…

…if Payton Manning does.

Let’s be honest.

Christianity’s main selling point is forgiveness of sins.

Which was great a few centuries ago.

…when there was such a thing.

But nobody sins anymore.

If you think I’m wrong,

…you’re being judgmental.

That’s almost sin.

But we’ll forgive the adjudication.

Because we’re super tolerant.

The point is that Christianity needs some help.

Since there aren’t any sins to forgive

…why follow Jesus teachings?

The answer:

Because Phil Robertson does!

And Shia LaBeouf.

And Carrie Underwood.

And (maybe) Bono.

And lots of other people of cultural significance.

People who you see on T.V.

You know,

…people who can boost God’s PR into the heavens!

The timing is perfect.

The definition of ‘Christian’ is increasingly unclear.

No longer taboo are things like homosexuality, adultery, idolatry and selfishness.

Every belief and behavior,

…so long as it’s sincere

…is blessed by Almighty God.

So in order to keep the religion relevant,

…God has given us celebrities!

Hallelujah!

Why do I trust Jesus?

Because all the cool kids do!