Your Mustache Cannot Help My Prostate

Finally, “No Shave November” is over.

Good-bye to all the facial hair grown to raise awareness of cancer.

For the next 11 months, we can forget about cancer research and enjoy smooth skin.

And most importantly…

…we can get back to making fun of bad mustaches and beards!

Mocking a mustache during November is risky.

You: “Dude, is that a dead caterpillar over your lip?”

Him: “I’m growing this to show my support for men with prostate cancer!”

You: “So…is it a caterpillar or not?”

During November, weird facial hair is a testimony to our compassion.

Nothing says, “I care about you,” like a freaky, haywire beard.

Right?

Well…

Actually…

I don’t think about suffering people when I look at pictures of your mutton-chops.

In fact, you’re a distraction.

You’re telling me No Shave November is all about cancer patients but…

…it kind of seems like it’s about you.

Because it’s December and you’ve shaved.

Why not let the whiskers grow, unchecked, all year long?

Let your goatee grow long enough that people walking behind you trip over it.

As you help them to their feet say, “Please donate to cancer research.”

Or let birds build nests in your beard.

You would undoubtedly attract a crowd every time you walk into Applebee’s

As law enforcement agents drag you out of the restaurant, loudly shout:

“Men! Check your prostates!”

Activism should cost you something.

Compassion should be inconvenient.

If your whiskers aren’t a symbol of solidarity all year round…

…then they’re nothing special in November.

4 thoughts on “Your Mustache Cannot Help My Prostate

  1. Susanne says:

    I always thought No Shave November had to do with deer hunting season. Or no longer having to wear shorts so I didn’t have to shave my legs.

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