“If Jesus came to your church this week, half the saints would critique His sandals” This is what you might say when you haven’t been to church since 1978.
Legend has it that decades ago, churches were inhabited primarily by judgmental snobs who dressed up on Sunday morning not because they revered God but because they wanted to impress people. The majority of church people were mean, shallow, hateful bigots and that is why the good, decent Christian people stopped going to church. Their consciences wouldn’t allow them to associate with hypocrites. They disconnected from the church and established other Sunday rituals (like playing golf, fishing, sleeping in, or just meditating on the virtues of self-righteous isolation) which allowed them to bypass the fellowship of believers and commune directly with God.
After all the good and humble people left the church, the remaining church members (the judgmental snobs) realized their mistake and promptly changed course. They threw away the traditions and standards that made people feel like criminals in favor of the universal invitation to ‘Come-As-You-Are’.
These days, the church is focused entirely on catering to people who don’t attend church. Our obsession with pleasing God was upsetting the guests and for that, we are truly sorry! Now, our primary concern is pleasing you people who find church people annoying. The music, sermon, children’s programs, coffee service, and everything else is engineered to make pagans feel comfortable. It’s a lot of hard work but if just one non-believer leaves us a semi-positive Yelp review, it will all be worth it. The angels in Heaven rejoice when a sinner regards sacred things with slightly less disdain.
The main thing we want you to know is that you belong. That’s not a future goal. That’s right now! No matter your preferred footwear. No matter your preferred theology. You don’t need to believe in God. We’re all inclusive! For the sake of unity, we keep our orthodoxy unspecified. We don’t distinguish between the sinners and the saints. We believe it’s wrong to fight about doctrine and we will fight anyone who says otherwise.
If you’re worried that your sandals will ostracize you, relax. It doesn’t matter what you wear. You can dress as a hobo. You can dress as a hooker. Nobody will critique you. Nobody will even notice you beyond a quick headcount. We’re just giddy that you showed up at all. We will celebrate your presence, affirm your journey, and never, ever, ever, EVER suggest you need to change.
…unless you become a member. Then we’ll expect you to abandon your self-centeredness and start thinking about how to make visitors happy.
(Galatians 1:10) For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ
