Reminder: None of the stuff I write is intended for non-religious people. If you’re making up your own set of rules for living, don’t waste your time here. You do you, Boo.
A particularly nasty bit of stealthy sinfulness exists in our culture. It’s hard to detect because it presents itself as humility. If you don’t know how to recognize it, you can commit this act of evil every day for many years and be encouraged by the very people you are abusing. No kidding! People will actually reward you for using this sin against them!
I’m talking about apologizing to people who don’t deserve it.
The purpose of apologizing is to seek forgiveness for some wrong you have committed. If there is no wrong-doing on your part, an apology becomes a tool of manipulation. You’re trying to calm the other person down because you don’t want to deal with their emotional fallout. Whether it’s fear, laziness, ignorance, or a combination of all three, your apology is self serving. You don’t want to suffer the consequences of telling the truth. Apologizing to someone you have not wronged; is lying to their face.
“John, you jerk! Don’t you ever tell someone you’re sorry they are suffering? Probably not because you’re such a jerk!”
An honest expression of sympathy is NOT an apology. If you’re genuinely sad for me because my goldfish died, then you’re telling me the truth when you say, “I’m sorry for your loss.” That’s not a problem. And congratulations! You have put your finger on why insincere apologies are so wicked. Fake apologies masquerade as compassion.
The sin of fake apologies was (accidentally) the subject of a pop song a few years back. The chorus of the song went like this:
“Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn’t mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I’m wrong just tell me the song and I’ll sing it
You’ll be right and understood.”
This twisted philosophy has ruined countless relationships. When you don’t know what you did, you shouldn’t apologize. When you don’t know what you said, it is foolish to say you didn’t mean it. Telling someone that they are always right, no matter what song they sing, is selfish pandering. You’re manipulating the person because you want something from them.
Under no circumstances should you apologize unless God tells you to do so. Reconciling with someone should never include apologizing for stuff that isn’t wrong.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
(Matthew 5:23)
