Don’t believe that shame ‘dies’ when stories are told in safety! Trusting this statement could actually multiply shame in your life. Depending on the ‘story’ you want to tell, there may not be a “safe” way to tell it. What you’re calling a ‘safe place’ is the empty hope of having your sin validated.

The internet sages telling you to shed your shame by telling your ‘story’ are assuming that your story isn’t about how you wielded a machete during a homicidal rampage. They’re assuming you didn’t kidnap a bus load of children and hold them ransom to pay off a gambling debt. The shame gurus assume you didn’t poison the drinking water in your hometown. In other words, the sages encouraging you to speak don’t know anything about you. It’s a bad idea to take their advice.

It is possible that you’re feeling shame because your story is shameful.

“JOHN, YOU JERK!!!! This is why victims don’t speak up!!! PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE THEM FEEL UNSAFE!!!!”

Besides victims, do you know who else is afraid to speak up because of shame? I’ll give you a minute to think about it. (Times up!) …it’s guilty people! Surprise! Most of the shame you feel is NOT because I am an arrogant jerk.

I could attract a much bigger group of followers if I just told people they shouldn’t feel shame. The secret to social media ‘success’ is saying whatever makes folks feel good. Few things feel better than being told, “You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.” But if I were to tell you that, I’d be ashamed of myself.

I’d bet you probably do have something to be ashamed about. I’m not such an arrogant jerk that I’ll tell you to ignore your conscience. Though I will say that shame is not going to ‘die’ when your story gets told. The only way to kill shame is to confess your sin to God. When you admit your shame is well earned, Jesus takes it away from you.

(Psalm 31:17) O Lord, let me not be put to shame, for I call upon you; let the wicked be put to shame; let them go silently to Sheol.