Brethren, we have us a problem of sorts.
Actually, you’re the one with the problem.
But since I’m commanded to bear your burdens…
…it’s my problem too.
The problem is you’re wearing someone else’s shoes.
A few days ago, I posted this nifty article suggesting that people sometimes use their afflictions as an excuse to sin.
I wrote it because:
People sometimes use their afflictions as an excuse to sin.
Immediately, I started getting loving, gentle comments like:
John, I think you’ve got 3 conditions: a lack of understanding, no sympathy, and a healthy dose of selfishness.
I don’t think overgeneralizing everyone who has mental or chronic illnesses is necessary or polite.
Wow! This is extremely ugly. Don’t you perform in churches?
You hurt more people than you know with the way that you chose to use your platform.
There is an old adage that says: “If the shoe fits, wear it.”
The converse (which just means ‘opposite’ so don’t get even MORE offended)…
…is “If the shoe DOESN’T fit, don’t wear it.”
This is what keeps me from getting my feelings hurt when you say:
You’re not funny. You’re a moron.
You’re a person who clearly hasn’t even SEEN my feet.
Those aren’t MY shoes.
Wearing the wrong shoes makes you walk funny.
I’m trying to help you.
Do you need a minute to compose yourself?
I’ll wait…
Ready now?
Consider this uncomfortable truth:
Sometimes panhandlers cripple dogs in order to gain sympathy and get money from people.
You’re wearing the wrong shoes if your responses are similar to:
You have no compassion for homeless people!
I am a dog owner and I would NEVER abuse him!
How can you be a Christian and condone such cruelty!?
I was homeless once! This is ugly and insensitive!
Jesus said to take care of the poor!
You won’t believe this, but I spend A LOT of time thinking about my feet.
Because I get A LOT of shoes thrown at me.
Most of them don’t fit.
Putting them on would make me miserable.
And I’d be annoying to everyone on Earth.
If you STILL don’t understand what I’m saying…
…just leave a self-righteous comment below.
22 Responses
John,
Make sure that choosing to put on shoes that fit does not cause children to starve due to the diversity of brands…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8hAJ2IdNDE
Dave
If Bernie can have a pair of houses, John can have a pair of shoes.
Heh. Nice.
I shudder every time I think of what the country would be like had he become president.
Has me shivering in my shoes…
Well, I’m not offended, but ” If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.” is not the converse of ” If the shoe fits, then feel free to wear it”. The converse of the latter statement is ” If you feel free to wear the shoe, then it fits.”
What you said is actually the converse of the original statement’s contrapositive ( ” If you don’t feel free to wear the shoe, then it doesn’t fit”)
But I love that you took the opportunity of using the word “converse” on a phrase about shoes 🙂
(Glad you are coming back from the abyss too!)
Anyway, I’m done conversing now.
The shoe of improper grammar fits me so…
Thanks so much for keeping me honest!
I was fresh out of shoes, so I thought I’d throw you a bone instead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM3Z_Kskl_U
Sorry.. couldn’t resist
…but I am relatively sure they weren’t Converse hurled Bush-ward.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Please, PLEASE, leave more nerdy math comments in the future… (No sarcasm!)
Glad you got a kick out of it, I’ll try to do it more often.
Over fifteen years ago I was a teacher on the Navajo Reservation in the Four Corners area of Arizona.
Widespread alcoholism is a problem there.
Amazingly the very active Catholic Church there refused to feed the mass of men who would show up at the door on Sunday morning.
A Jesuit priest told me that feeding people who spend every spare sent on getting drunk would only enable their alcoholism.
I thought that was a very courageous and hard stance to take.
Wow. I bet the Church took some criticism for that.
I have no self righteous comment, so I probably should shut up. But I have a condition, so I will go on! I love what you have to say. We kinda live in an on going “state of offense” these days. Not sure whose fault that is, but there’s a very long list of people and entities to choose from.
Truth and honesty always hurts. Sometimes it hurts more than the pain caused by wearing shoes 4 sizes too small…
I liked both the former article (I understood exactly what your point was) and I like this article just as much! It’s refreshing to read an intelligent, well articulated and most importantly accurate viewpoint on a legitimate problem here in our country. Thank you! By the way, the 3 little pigs comedy routine was splendid!
My brain has an unbounded dysfunction that someone has persuaded me can only be corrected with medication, but whatever I think matters, if it makes no sense to anyone else. I only read your piece as far as the first trigger word, and I’m ok, but if others like me read this they might commit suicide, so you’re better shut up just to be safe.
Just like me. Was I talking?
Self-righteous comment.
A proper self righteous comment should rebuke me personally. I’m not trying to be critical. Just informing you of protocol.
That was awfully self-righteous of you.
You know very well that the reason most people get offended is because the shoes fit PERFECTLY.
I am still trying to decide if he meant “converse” as a pun or not…
HA!
Well, according to Matthew, it wasn’t mathematically correct. So, yeah, let’s go with “pun.” 😉
Mrsmcmommy,
I fear the blog might become laced with bad shoe puns and wordplay.
I will shod myself with endurance for the inevitable.
After all, I would feel like a real heel for not putting the warning out there.
Dave
Ephesians 6:14-15 (ESV) – Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.