Suggestion for next year’s church Trunk-Or-Treat that will be the talk of the town:

Start by filling the parking lot with vehicles decorated by enthusiastic church folks, eager to interact with the public for the sake of leading families to Jesus. Each car should have a large supply of treats.

Treats must be edible! No brochures, flyers, coloring books, tracts, pencils, crayons, or religious literature! Kids are coming for sugar, not arts and crafts or Bible story time! Don’t make Trunk-Or-Treat a Bait-And-Switch.

At each car, Trunk-or-Treaters are required to break one of the Ten Commandments. I suggest making the 6th commandment (murder) off limits but defer that decision to your church leadership team. Treats are given as rewards for committing these sins.

For example, at one car people are required to lie about their age. At another car, people have to lie about their gender. There’s a car where kids must yell disrespectful things at their parents to collect their treat. You might require each member of the family to think of a unique way to use the Lord’s name in vain. One car requires you to steal candy from other Trunk-or-Treaters. One car will only give treats when you cry about having fewer treats than someone else.

Be creative! You don’t have to stay within the confines of the Ten Commandments. Give candy to people who have aborted babies. Give candy to unmarried parents. Reward trunk-or-treaters for any display of selfishness. Any sin, no matter how small, qualifies for candy.

Seal off all exits so there is only one way to leave the parking lot. Satan stands at the exit in front of a bus. He announces that anyone who has collected any candy must board the bus which will be driven into a burning garage (representing Hell). Have burly church members dressed as demons use cattle prods to round up those who try to flee.

When the bus is packed with people wailing and gnashing their teeth, somebody dressed as Jesus should stand up and say, “If you would like to get off the bus, lay your candy on me. I will take your sins away.”

Most of the candy should be piled up at the feet of Jesus. Return it to the cars to be distributed to other Trunk-Or-Treaters. (Recycled candy teaches there is nothing new under the sun. The same sins get repeated every generation.)

Anyone who chooses to keep their candy can leave. You’ve done everything you can and should trust the Holy Spirit to work on them.

(John 1:29) The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!