There’s a fly crashing against the window near my desk. It’s trying to get outside by slamming itself against the glass. It’s precisely the same method the people on “The Bachelorette” use to construct relationships.

I wrote about Hannah Brown (the current version of Bachelorette) a few weeks ago when she uttered this morbidly oblique statement on national television:

“I’ve had sex and Jesus still loves me!”

Hannah is correct. Her profound theological insight is summarized in the popular children’s song, “Jesus Loves Me”. The verse Hannah referenced goes:

Jesus loves me this I know

For the Bible tells me so

Sluts and whores to him belong

They are weak but He is strong

I don’t watch “The Bachelorette” for the same reason I don’t watch this fly bang against the window. I already know what’s going to happen. Both Hannah Brown and the hapless insect are going to fail. I can forgive the fly because it’s a fly. God didn’t give it a very big brain. It eats poop, for crying out loud! Hannah is an entirely different circumstance. She is made in the image of God and so I hold her to a higher standard than the fly. I hold Hannah to the same standard that I hold myself.

Whenever I say, “I’ve had sex and Jesus still loves me” (which, so far, has been never), I apply that same standard to other people. That includes people like Jed Wyatt (the dude Hannah Brown proposed to then un-proposed to after finding out he had a girlfriend). If Jesus loves me when I’m an easy lay, then Jesus loves Jed too. But that’s not how Hannah reacted:

“I have sobbed on the floor. I felt like my whole life just caved in, and everything that I thought was true and real wasn’t. I have been mad as hell and just questioning what happened.”

Then, while the stench of hypocrisy hung in the air like week-old roadkill, Tyler Cameron (the dude Hannah dismissed for reasons she couldn’t explain) came out for a final conversation. Now that her true love had proven himself unworthy, Hannah was willing to give 2nd place another chance. A large sheet of Plexiglas separated the pair and Tyler hurled himself against it repeatedly. Hannah stool with her arms open, smiling at him while saying:

“Tyler will always have a place in my heart no matter what our relationship looks like. The feelings I developed for him were real and they don’t shut off instantly. And it’s hard to say what the future holds with him, or anyone else.”

Hannah, Tyler, and Jed have something in common with many young people today. They’re idiots. They believe love is a force of nature that cannot be predicted or controlled. They believe feelings should always dictate behavior. It’s “hard to say what the future holds” because they refuse to be responsible for their destiny. 25 guys compete for the affection of a woman who believes loves is a totally random event.

Idiots.

Here’s the lesson The Bachelorette will never learn. Your relationships are going to suck because you suck. You’re a selfish, shallow, ignorant person who is difficult (maybe impossible) to love. If you spent a minute thinking about your own awfulness you would be grateful that anyone tried to date you – ever.