For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.

2 Timothy 4:3

The time will come when you’re going to want teachers to tell you what you want to hear – and that time is NOW! If you’re looking for a church that cares more about community than commandments, I’ve got good news. The First Church of Itchy Ears is calling you home.

No matter who you are or what you’ve done or what you’re planning to do when you get here; you belong. We won’t judge. We won’t condemn. We won’t shove our religion down your throat. We’re all on a journey and we don’t have any answers. Nobody knows anything. We don’t want to influence you. We just want a bunch of people in the awesome pictures we post to Facebook.

We’re the church for people who hate church. We’re Christianity for people who hate Christ. You’ve got opinions and we want to hear them! Tell us what you think about sexuality, marriage, family, politics, legalizing pot, gambling, immigration, guns, alcohol, tattoos, playing cards, professional sports, baking, sewing, astrology, puppetry, falconry, or anything else that’s important to you. We’ll agree with whatever you say. That’s a promise.

You will never be offended here. We don’t want to stir up controversy. We just want to love on you. We know you’re already a beautiful, strong, thoughtful, brilliant, caring, person. You don’t need advice. You need applause! We will celebrate your goodness. At every service, we stand on our chairs for five full minutes whooping, clapping, and praising each other. It’s always a very emotional experience.

If you’re tired of Church that’s all about rules, religion and Jesus, check out the First Church of Itchy Ears. We’ve got satellite churches everywhere. The names may be different but the message is the same – “The customer is always right.” You know what you want. We’re here to make sure you get it! See you Sunday!*

*We understand that Sunday may not be convenient for you. “See you Sunday” is just a figure of speech and you are not required to attend at all. We include everyone in our service even those who aren’t in it. Skipping church is absolutely a legitimate act of worship. We are not judging you.