Listen up, ladies!
Got relationship trouble?
Is “Love” just a four letter word for heartbreak?
There’s a way to end the drama.
Do what prostitutes do!
You don’t hear hookers talk about being misunderstood.
Prostitutes never feel taken for granted.
Learn their secrets and live a happier life.
#1 Hang Your Shingle
You need to let men know what you’re selling.
Men are not good detectives.
Men see fishnet stockings, stiletto heels, and short-shorts on a street corner…
…they assume “hooker”.
They don’t ever think, “There’s a girl who will make a good wife and mother!”
Men don’t go into Victoria’s Secret looking for fishing gear.
Are you selling friendship, loyalty, love, and commitment?
Let the public know!
Your shingle is how you dress, walk, talk, and even think.
#2 Set Your Price
Every floozie has a price.
She can’t do it for free!
There are no misunderstandings.
She establishes her price before she even gets in the guy’s car.
You should do the same.
And remember…
…you can charge more than money!
You should include honesty, respect, affection, and commitment on your price tag.
Don’t haggle.
Let the guys who can’t afford you drive away.
#3 Payment Up Front
Prostitutes don’t give credit.
Because a lot of men won’t pay their tabs.
They’re dishonest.
Not all of them.
The honest ones don’t expect you to offer credit.
So you shouldn’t.
Get paid in full before you ‘belong to’ anyone.
Remember, a fiance’ is not a wife.
Don’t extend credit because you got an engagement ring.
…
Hookers are shrewd.
They may be of ‘ill repute’ but…
…they don’t get their hearts broken.
The bad girls can teach a valuable lesson to the good girls.
36 Responses
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you are doing a great job of representing jesus. I had no idea that your lord and savior was such a cunt. good job.
Hi, CJ!
Thanks for reading!
Quick question: do you know John Blande?
are you talking about the john blande that performs analingus for $20? sure, everyone knows him..
Uh…
Okay?
I have to admit, you’re kind of confusing me.
Well, I guess you’re not done commenting, so….?
Thanks again for stopping by, and come back any time! 🙂
Patty, (sorry about the misspelling of you name; I have a close friend who spells her name with an ‘i’ on the end and your comment reminded me of her — she would have responded the same way you did)
I want to thank you for your gracious and compassionate comment. Branyan chose to ignore it, as he always does to comments that make him squirm in self-consciousness. You can see what happened in response to my comments – this is the history of the Branyan daddy/daughter ‘comedy’ team. They think themselves quite clever in their derision (mrs.mcmum is his daughter, Amanda – she was raised in a fundamentalist environment, so ‘submission’ has been hardwired into her brain).
As I indicated in my first comment, Branyan has no respect for women – he has demonstrated this many times on his blog. If he had any self-awareness at all, he’s scrub this thread. But trust me, he won’t. He much prefers denigrating others to pass his moral judgements; it’s a characteristic he just can’t shake.
We’ll see how – or IF at all – he responds to your comment. It will be an indication that he really doesn’t give a shit what others think at all. (not that there was ever any doubt in anyone’s mind before today) This blog is all about him and his steadfast sidekick, slapsticking their nonsense in the guise of the ‘faithful’. Like I said, Christians my ass.
It’s funny you mention “scrubbing a thread,” because that’s exactly what KIA did to the original comments about my sexuality.
The only way you can read what those were is if you go here, where my dad called him out.
https://branyancomedy.wordpress.com/2016/10/06/again-so-soon/
Also, Wally called out KIA.
If you’re concerned about respecting women (and not just trying to win allies against the Christian “assholes”), then why didn’t you call out KIA, Carmen? That’s a pretty simple question.
Patti,
You sound like a woman who has compassion and good sense. Unfortunately, John – and his daughter, Amanda – have ZERO.
In fact, it won’t take you long to find out, from reading John’s posts, that he is a major dickhead. Anyone who talks about women the way he does might as well be sporting an orange combover.
Christian, my ass.
Hey Carmen!
You disagree with anything I’ve written here?
I was talking to Patti, the sensible person on this thread. YOU are an asshole.
I am?
Gosh.
What did I do?
Let’s not forget that Carmen silently WATCHED as a male friend of hers asked me sexually-suggestive questions. She knew he was intentionally trying to make me uncomfortable, and she refused to say anything to stop it…
Feminist, my hind quarters.
Let’s give her the benefit of a doubt. Carmen probably didn’t understand the conversation.
I don’t have much patience for Mean Girls.
The ones who wait for someone they sense as a potential ally, and then slather them with compliments for their own manipulative purposes.
I have respect for people who are willing to disagree with their friends. Someone who says, “Yeah, I like what you said HERE, but I don’t think you’re right about THAT.” That takes guts.
But it takes no guts to talk about respect for women without practicing it yourself.
Gross.
Post the cheerleader picture…
I’m too annoyed. First Ark used my kids as props to feel like a good person–and now Carmen is using Patty (and a generic reference to “women”) for the same reason…
I guess I’m just grouchy tonight.
Here, I’ll post this instead.
http://cdn4.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/fm9.jpg
http://i.giphy.com/xT5LMGW9lkHaTB98be.gif
If you’re referring to me as “Crabby” and Carmen as “Skinny,” then that HAS to be your hatred for women showing (again).
Repent.
lol, right Carmen, no real Christians would write or even share such a thing and try to pass it off as comedy. he’s a fraud, the real comedy and laughs are going to come when jesus says :”depart from me I never knew you” to him and mrsmcmommy and they get to spend eternity being the low rent whores they really are. thank you jesus
I understand what the article is saying and it’s a message many young women need to hear and apply. But the delivery is what hurts my heart. MOST ‘hookers’ don’t set their own price or have ANY kind of control over any aspect of their lives. Most are trafficked or in such a desperate situation they feel they have no other choice. There is a VERY small minority who ‘choose’ that life. It hurts my heart to hear their horrific plight mocked… 😢
Very good point!
Thanks for commenting, Patty.
I didn’t think your comment needed a response. Apparently, Carmen is preaching that my silence is further proof that I am an asshole. My response will do nothing to change her opinion but on the slim chance that you haven’t made up your mind yet, here is my response to you.
The sex trade is a horrible wickedness. You and I are in complete agreement. Selling children and women into bondage is an abominable, damnable practice. Further, prostitution in general degenerates women, destroys families and sends souls to hell. Prostitution is illegal in most places in the United States because of the wretched effects it has on society. Hookers live horrible lives. I have performed several times to raise money for ministries that dedicate themselves to rescuing women from prostitution.
My article does nothing to champion the cause of sex trade. Suggesting marriage is preferable to prostitution is not mocking the people held hostage as hookers.
This is satire. No women wants to be a prostitute. And women don’t want men to TREAT THEM like prostitutes. That’s what often happens when people forgo marriage in the name of ‘true love’. Women are treated essentially like prostitutes. The boyfriend makes no commitment. Has as much sex as he wants. Then kicks her out the door when she starts to annoy him. Long-term boyfriends treat women like hookers. Husbands take vows to treat women like wives. (I’m not saying husbands are always SUCCESSFUL but that’s a topic for another article!)
I have a mother, a sister, a wife, two daughters and two granddaughters. All of these women are important to me in ways I cannot completely communicate. Carmen’s suggestion that I have “no respect for women” is just dumb. Every woman is a unique creation of God. No woman should be treated like a hooker.
THAT is the point of this article.
Well. . .well. . . now, the question is, “Would Branyan have come up with a response without provocation or would he have just let your response fall on deaf ears, Patty?”
The thing is, Branyan, you don’t get to pass judgements on people from your lofty, fundamentalist perch. You denigrated ALL women in this post – satire or not -and can’t seem to understand that. As I’ve suggested, you’d do well to scrub it.
And mrs.mcmum – this post is not about you and your skirmishes with others on this blog.
Well, well… now the question is, “Would Carmen have come up with a response to KIA without provocation, or does she only stand on her lofty Feminist perch when she has something personally to gain?”
No, wait.
There’s no question there.
If silence speaks as much as you say it does, then yours is condemning.
Gross.
Hey Carmen!
Do you have a specific problem with the response I wrote to Patty?
You see, Patty? He cannot be budged from that perch of his. . . 🙁
Carmen,
I’m giving you an opportunity to voice your specific grievance. I’ve explained my position (or ‘perch’ if you prefer). I am more than willing to budge.
Do you find something in my response objectionable?
Oh, and Patty – Branyan has a serious comprehension problem. I’m sure you understand my last comment to him. I don’t see what there is to misunderstand about having denigrated ALL women with this post.
Hey Carmen!
I wrote a comment to Patty. Do you have an objection to my comment to Patty? Do you disagree with something I said to Patty?
lol, “Selling children and women into bondage is an abominable, damnable practice”.
However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way. (Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT)
When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her. And if the slave girl’s owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter. If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife. If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment. (Exodus 21:7-11 NLT)
When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property. (Exodus 21:20-21 NAB)
YES, AND YOU WORSHIP AN ABOMINABLE, DAMNABLE GOD.
We’ve got no problem with ladies advertising. It’s the other steps that seem to confuse them.
If I see one more girl, living with her Baby Daddy, share this “Wife Material” meme, I can’t promise I’ll be nice.
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