Subtitle:

“Why You Should Be Grateful For The Patriarchy”

Reason 1: Men are necessary to make women.

For now,  women rely solely on men for the fertilization of human egg cells. Research is underway to eliminate the biological need for fathers. (Progress is slow because of the high number of men performing the research.) Feminism owes everything to the Patriarchy.

Reason 2: Men kill cute things when necessary.

Mice, squirrels, rabbits, deer and cows are ‘cute’. For various reasons, these animals need to be killed. Men can snuff a rabbit and suffer no emotional or psychological trauma. Without the Patriarchy, there would be funeral services for every Thanksgiving turkey. Civilization would not advance.

Reason 3: Men are productive even after realizing they’re fat.

A man can look in the mirror, see rolls of fat on his waist and under his chin, get dressed, go to work…forget all about it. He will help himself to donuts in the break room. He won’t mention it to his coworkers and distract them from their duties.  This is why civilization continues to advance.

Reason 4: Men don’t understand feelings.

Men understand tools. Tools make noise. Tools are used to build machines (which make more noise). A man likes a lot of noise so he can’t hear himself think. He might accidentally think about feelings which would require him to call someone and ‘talk about what’s on his mind’. Civilization would not advance.

Reason 5: Men will always take the blame.

Men always agree with the phrase, “This is your fault.” Men are to blame for every problem because men are always doing stuff. Men invent things and build things and experiment with things and often…screw things up. Taking the blame doesn’t upset men because men don’t understand feelings. At the risk of screwing up more stuff, men keep doing stuff. Civilization advances.

*This is not a comprehensive list. Because I’m a man, I could only think of 5 things before I got distracted. I’ll write more reasons later on…(if I can remember).