Once upon a time there was a mother cat who gave birth to a litter of 5 kittens. The mother had gray fur and the father’s fur was unknown since Mama was known to many different Tomcats but that didn’t make her a whore! She was a free-spirt who shared love easily so don’t you dare judge.

By some unusual quirk in chromosomal biology, all 5 kittens were white. That is to say, when people looked at the kittens they would exclaim, “That kitten is white.”

Mama cat was too young to be tied down with kittens so she sent them away to live with other animals. One kitten went to live with a family of ducks on a farm who, upon seeing the kitten said, “Hey! A white kitten!”

One kitten went to live with a dog in a middle class neighborhood outside of Chicago. The dog, a bachelor, lived on the welfare provided by the family that occupied his house. The family was happy to provide a home for what they affectionately called their, “White kitty.”

One kitten went to into the forest and was adopted by a wolf pack. The wolves spoke Spanish for some inexplicable reason so they named the kitten, “Gato Blanco” which means, “White cat.”

One kitten, the runt of the litter, stowed away on a New England fishing vessel where, upon seeing her, the crew nicknamed her, “Whitey.” A salty seagull took the kitten under his wing and taught her the ins and outs of crabbing.

The last kitten, who went by the name “Ebony,” went to Detroit and met a dark furred cat who had a non-profit organization called, “The White Cat Foundation.” It was dedicated to seeking justice for non-white cats around the world.

As is usually the case when social justice advocates become active, Ebony started all the trouble. She contacted her sisters and scolded them for being white. “Whiteness,” Ebony explained, “Is a system of oppression.”

“I thought it was just my fur color,” said the kitty on the farm.

Ebony sneered, “You country folks aren’t very smart. White describes your innermost being. It’s much deeper than fur.”

Ebony went on to explain that despite living in very different circumstances, all 5 of the siblings shared the same advantages because of their whiteness. All of them had been privileged by their internal whiteness (including Gato Blanco whom the wolf pack had eaten the previous winter).

The stuff that Ebony said made no sense to the other cats but they didn’t want to argue with her. She had a habit of posting hateful things on Facebook when she was angry and the other cats didn’t want to seem hateful. So the white cats declared themselves to be gray on the inside and anyone who referenced the shade of their fur was chided for ‘making a big deal out of color.’

The cat’s philosophy is now taught widely in schools and churches. Millions of humans embrace it as truth because many people, like cats, don’t know how to think.

Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit. (Psalm 5:8)