Let me make this clear; abusive men are real. They do real harm to their wives. They hurt their children. They are wicked, selfish, narcissists who should repent of their sins. It is proper for the church to take an active role in protecting families from abusive men. Ignoring the abuse is condoning the abuse. Denying the abuse is itself a form of abuse.

Am I clear? There are no excuses offered here giving cover to abusive men. I am emphatically and unconditionally renouncing every abusive husband. The question is, will you join me? Do you have the courage to stand in support of abused wives and children?

Of course you do! I’ve witnessed your outpouring of love and compassion for the victims of violent, abusive men. I know you care deeply for those who suffer at the hand of tyrannical husbands and fathers.

Let me make this clear; abusive women are real too.

They do harm to their husbands and children not because they were abused first, but because they are wicked, selfish, narcissists who need to repent of their sins. It is proper for the church to take an active role in protecting children and husbands from abusive women. Ignoring them is a form of abuse itself.

I know this may be a new concept. You don’t often see the words ‘abusive’ and ‘wife’ next to each other. In this culture, a woman needs to be caught in the act of physically harming a child before there is the slightest chance she’ll be considered an abuser. Women are free to abuse men in any manner they see fit and then blame him for ‘leaving her no choice.’ When a woman loses control of herself she can tearfully point at the man who provoked her.

Church culture is the same. When a Christian wife sins against her husband it is because he sinned first. Troubled couples sit in the pastor’s office where the abused husband is reminded that he is not perfect and the abusive wife is encouraged to be patient with her husband while he works on his issues. Any objection the husband raises is a sign that he’s not committed to fixing the relationship.

I’m giving no cover to abusive women. I am emphatically and unconditionally renouncing every sinful wife. Are you still willing to join me or have you lost your righteous indignation? Perhaps you doubt that women are capable of narcissism. Maybe you doubt that women can be selfish manipulators. Whatever the reason, showing favoritism to women is not something the Bible taught you to do. Sinful behavior is gender fluid.

It is appropriate to discipline sinful brothers in order to restore them to the faith. Why are you less eager to restore sinful sisters?

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

(Galatians 6:1)