Worthless.
A layer of foam on my face doesn’t reduce razor friction.
Most shaving cream is this.
Worthless foam layer.
By shave’s end,
There’s a tiny, froth-covered murder scene on my chin.
I’ll use foam when nothing else is available.
That is to say,
I can tolerate it.
But shave oil works better.
Skeptics,
And while you shave,
rejoice that I’m not an activist.
I’ll allow you to dislike shaving with oil.
If I was an activist, you’d have obligations .
You’d need to issue a statement:
“Shave oil is just as good as shaving cream.”
Schools would be required by law to teach shaving oil practices.
Teachers would recognize that every student struggles to come to grips with their shaving product identity.
And acknowledge that EVERYONE…
probably has urges to use oil at some point in their life.
It’s normal.
Whenever an athlete confesses to shave oil use…
there would be a press conference.
His confession would be lauded as ‘brave’ or ‘inspiring’.
And you foam users would have to agree.
You couldn’t say hurtful, oilophobic things like,
“Shave oil is weird!”
or
“Why put oil on your face when there’s such a thing as shaving cream?”
No!
The hate speech would stop!
Because we shave oil users have been oppressed too long!
We’re coming out of the bathroom!
We’re holding our chins high!
And they are very, very smooth!
…
But since I’m not an activist…
I don’t care how you shave.
0 Responses
We should adopt confusing unrelated adjectives to describe shaving lifestyles so that communication is harder for everyone. Perhaps “delighted” for oil shavers, and “askew” for the conventional foam/gel users? Yes, that would help a lot!