Attention, People of God! Feathers are ruffled! Feelings are hurt! People are offended! I repeat, PEOPLE ARE OFFENDED! And I’m not talking about Christians. Offended Christians don’t matter. Offended pagans demand the church’s immediate attention!

The pagans were emotionally damaged by the church sign in front of Friendship Baptist Church, located in Virginia between nowhere and oblivion. Normally, the sign is viewed weekly by a couple of deer, some crows, a family of squirrels and the secretary at Friendship Baptist Church. This week, the sign is famous for it’s incredibly hateful, insensitive, divisive, and mean spirited message:

First, I’m a bit offended by the flagrant disregard for aesthetics. The colon is unnecessary. The word AMERICA should appear, centered, by itself on the top line. “LOVE OR LEAVE IT” should be centered under it. Smashing the words against the left side of the sign is offensive to me as a designer. That being said, I can get on with my life despite this crippling offense, because I’m tougher than pagans.

The pagans are undone by the message:

“…this “love it or leave it” rhetoric is completely ignorant of biblical history. It’s like they’ve forgotten, or are selectively ignoring, how Jesus and his parents were once refugees in a foreign land. Much like the immigrants from south of the border, they had to flee their homeland when their lives were in danger. The entire Jewish faith is predicated on the escape from slavery into freedom in a new promised land. And there are too many Bible verses to count about the importance of loving the immigrant and the strangers among us.

But those things would only matter to someone who’s read the Bible. ”

If it wasn’t offensive, I would mention that pagans usually regard the bible as “dangerous fiction” for the “brainwashing lies” it contains. I would mention that pagans tirelessly rip the Ten Commandments out of public spaces and would like to see “In God We Trust” removed from American history. If it wasn’t offensive, I would laugh at an atheist lecturing me on the ramifications of Christian theology. But we Christians have harmed the heathen enough this week with our obscure church signs in the boondocks, so I won’t point out the glaring hypocrisy. Instead, I’ll attempt a gentle response to the objection. Then you can get back to work shutting down Christian bakeries and pizzerias.

Mary and Joseph were not actually refugees in the sense that you’re using the word. They were complying with the requirements of the Roman government for the census. Strictly speaking, their lives were not “in danger”. You may be referring to Mary and Joseph fleeing to Egypt to escape Herod. In that case, Mary and Joseph might put up a sign that reads: “Egypt: Love or leave it.”

If you ignore everything prior to Moses, then you’re correct that the “entire Jewish faith is predicated on the escape from slavery into freedom in a new promised land”. So let’s go with that. The promised land had a name, “Canaan”. People who read the Bible know that the Jews didn’t just waltz into Canaan and start living on milk and honey. They had to fight for the promised land. They went to battle. They bled and died. Finally, because God keeps His promises, the Jews occupied the new land.

There was a little temple way out in the boondocks that put up a sign that read: “Canaan: Love or leave it.” A few Edomites and Moabites took offense but surely you can understand the Jew’s point of view. You can understand professing a fondness for the nation that frees people from bondage and oppression.

Tada! That’s America! (Sorry if you already understood the analogy and you didn’t need me to state the obvious. I wasn’t trying to offend you.)

Here’s what I think: You’re not really upset by that church sign. You’re pretending to be offended for attention. Whining is how you get noticed. Some people sing songs. Some people paint pictures. You make believe you’re hurt. Because it works.

Some Christians join you in condemning the “hateful” message that America is a good place to live because some Christians are scared of you. They think you’re sincerely searching for God and messages on church signs are “divisive” and “keeping you from seeing Jesus”. They think you’ll convert to Christianity if they kowtow to your childish tantrums. You and I both know those Christians are wrong. Your outrage is just an excuse to rebel against God.

I would gently suggest that you take a couple of deep breaths (or however many breaths you need to stop freaking out) and ask yourself why that little sign offends you so much. Or don’t. It’s your call.

“If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. “

John 14:23

To put it another way: “Jesus: Love or leave Him.”