Richard gives horrible atheist advice.
He seems to forget that atheism isn’t a religion.
So, I’ll help him out and pen a response to this letter:
Dear Mike,
I had trouble staying awake while you droned on and on about your Catholic kinfolk.
I’m not your family and truthfully, cannot care any less about your religious heritage.
You could have said, “My parents were deluded and superstitious,” and saved a lot of time.
You want to remember your mom in ‘a way that does not require a religious backdrop’.
Too bad.
Your mom was ‘deeply religious’.
Every memory of her will be tainted by her silly ‘faith’.
If you’re going to attend the memorial services…
…you’ll have to remember someone who wasn’t your mom.
Instead, remember an atheist like Madelyn Murray Ohair or Gerda Lerner.
They’re dead too.
Remembering them yields the same result as remembering your mother: “Zilch”
Memories, like emotions, are just chemical reactions.
Apparently, I must remind you that you’re an atheist and sentimentality is irrational.
Skip the memorial services if you can’t handle this.
Your siblings will likely be upset because they are as unenlightened as your parents.
My advice:
Distance yourself from the lot of them.
You said, “very few people understand a person who lacks faith.”
That’s because most people are stupid.
Yet you feel, “alone and troubled” by this truth.
Aw. Poor thing…reality sucks, huh?
Better to be alone than in the company of morons.
If you’re feeling magnanimous, offer the siblings an ultimatum.
“Shut-up about religion or I’m never speaking to any of you again.”
No matter which way it goes…you win.
31 Responses
How about something like this …
Dear Mike –
If your mother was half as enlightened as you obviously are and had truly cared about your feelings – she would have aborted you so you would not be “in this situation (i.e. – life).”
She hated you. There – the secret is out.
~CQW
Gosh!
Another Donald Trump win-win situation!!
John,
Now you, as a faux atheist, missed such an opportunity!
Perhaps your advice should be that he must go to the memorial and spread the word of his unfaith. Just think of the relatives he could “save” from religion. He might even request to speak to all assembled to preach atheism.
Dawkins 5:13 says “Never skip a chance to denigrate God and faith.”
Dave
That is a great idea. Not mentioning the opportunity to ‘devangelize’ was an oversight. My apologies.
John,
Devangelize. That made me laugh. Well done, sir.
You better trademark that word quickly.
Dave
Since atheists always claim to be so rational, reasonable, and intelligent, how come they never act it?
Really, John, this is dumb. She’s the guy’s mom, he needs to stop making her death about him and go to the services. Wouldn’t sacking it up in consideration of the feelings of other be minimizing harm, or whatever atheists always claim is their basis for morality?
Yes. “Sacking it up” (hilarious, btw) would be the correct behavior from a well adjusted adult. Too bad Mike didn’t fall victim to his mother’s indoctrination. He wouldn’t be such a douche-bag.
Meant sucking it up, a word autocorrect I just found out doesn’t like.
That makes it even funnier…
In a way it does, I guess 🙂
From now on, “Sack it up” is going to be what I say instead of “quit crying”.
The letter didn’t say he didn’t love his mother, didn’t say he had a bad childhood, didn’t even say he hated religion.
All it said really is that he didn’t think he should have to honor the death of his mom in accordance with His beliefs because he didn’t share them. She lived to be 91, he is 61, he has a great wife and two great kids…
If this dopey non-problem is the worst thing he’s got going on in his life, I would say he’s doing pretty damned good.
James, we agree on something. Having lost my mom and dad also, I can agree that it’s not the time to make it ‘all about me’.
Last Feb my grandmother passed and I traveled back to Kansas for the very Catholic funeral and mass. It was about honoring her.
I am glad we agree on something Mike, common ground is always good.
Snort! The truth is harsh indeed, but funny just the same. From an atheist perspective I think we have to ask, why would you chose to remember a woman who was clearly ignorant, superstitious,and irrational, a woman who attempted to indoctrinate you? Besides, didn’t you just spring forth randomly from nothingness? I don’t think we should be believing in mothers, people just come into existence through random happenstance,don’t they?
From a Christian perspective however, this letter does reveal some extreme selfishness, a very self absorbed nature. In theory one is supposed to honor thy mother and father,and show kindness and support towards thy siblings,not attempt to transform a memorial into an I-dentity affirming celebration of your own non belief.
“From a Christian perspective however, this letter does reveal some extreme selfishness, a very self absorbed nature.“
Just imagine eternity with all these whiners – prideful/selfish/self-absorbed. (And it’s this simple little concept they do not get).
John, you make a pretty great atheist. Just sayin’
I have said that many times. I’m a much better pagan than the average pagan.
Is that something to be proud of? As a Christian, I would assume that doing the opposite would be more ideal.
I’m giving the atheists something to aspire toward. When born-again Christians give better atheist advice than the atheists…godless need to step it up!
Ah, very true. Good insight, John, as always. (I’ve been reading the blog for a while… I’m not THAT new here)
John, you’re only a better pagan than the pagans because you’re consistent. I don’t think the rest of them are actually heartless enough to adhere to their non-faith to the degree of consistency it requires. You are a true inspiration.
Wait, are you suggesting that Atheists are HYPOCRITES? You mean they don’t actually practice what they preach???
Surely not…
Allallt is explaining satire to us.
…
Ohhhh, whoops. My bad. I forgot that only religious people have the monopoly on hypocrisy.
You should follow this thread, going on now.
https://branyancomedy.wordpress.com/2017/03/21/ask-me-instead/comment-page-1/#comment-18340
Shucks.
I don’t get it… Why would you want to “remember” the woman who indoctrinated you?
Apparently it’s all about Mike. He’s one of your favourite “centre of the universe” people since he cares more about how he wants to remember Mum instead of how “deeply religious Mum” would want to be remembered. Talk about selfish.
Oh wait: he’s an atheist. Selfishness is okay. Carry on.
Wait until I start giving advice in response to the ‘coming out’ letters. Selfishness on parade.
I’m on the edge of my seat.