You agnostics.

That’s quite a racket you’ve got going.

Selling abject thoughtlessness as intellectual superiority.

Your most profound and compelling truth statement is,

I don’t know.

Which isn’t exactly true.

You do know at least one thing…

…I am wrong.

I believe God exists.

And nobody can know for sure.

So you point it out to me.

You can’t be certain that God exists!

I appreciate this so much!

I’m far too simple to generate my own dubiousness.

Of course you’re right..

I can’t be certain.

At least, not the kind of certainty that you demand.

I’m not as smart as you.

I’m persuaded by stuff like empathy, kindness and love.

I know! I know!

That’s not evidence!

But as lame as it is…

…it’s better than saying,

I don’t know.

Your official position on the most important question facing mankind.

Give that answer to any other question and you sound like a nitwit:

  • “If I jump, will you catch me?”
  • “Did you pick up the kids from day care?”
  • “Want to split a bagel with me?”
  • “Isn’t that sunset beautiful?”
  • “Do you take this woman to be your wife?”

So kudos to you, agnostics.

You’ve done such a great job of disguising your atheism…

…even you don’t recognize it.

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5 Responses

  1. I just don’t know……if I can keep from rolling on the floor laughing!! It is a lot of fun to condense the “intellectual” belief systems into what they really sound like at their core.
    I know, I know, sarcasm is MEAN!! Oh, well. Tough patooties. Keep on trucking, John! 😉

  2. Some people are happy to say that they don’t know. Granted, saying ‘I don’t know’ to any of the questions you proposed would be stupid, but what about to a question such as ‘do aliens exist?’ You can’t be sure, and ‘I don’t know’ is an appropriate answer. The same applies to a question such as ‘is there anything outside of the universe?’ You can’t be sure if there is some sort of ‘multiverse’, so ‘I don’t know’ is an appropriate answer.

    Claiming that God doesn’t exist is a bold statement that needs to be backed up with evidence, however many people I have met who identify as atheists do not hold this idea, myself included. Instead we hold the position that ‘a god could exist, however there is not enough evidence to convince me of it’.

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