Don’t let The Pope tell you how to garden!

He is completely out of touch with modern horticultural trends.

In the dark ages*, when people planted tomatoes, they reaped tomatoes.

Vegetables were assigned biologically based labels.

Oppressive, bigoted, biological labels.

Apparently, The Pope still lives in the dark ages.

A vegetable growing on a tomato vine isn’t ALWAYS a tomato.

Plants are more than their physical make-up.

So much more.

I have the right to decide for myself which vegetables I’m growing.

My garden, my choice.

Small minded bigots WILL NOT define my zucchini for me!

I’m so open-minded, I grow pumpkins on corn stalks.

I grow carrots on apple trees.

I’ve even got a chicken that lays watermelon.

I’m free from the stifling affects of logic.

Reality is whatever ‘feels right’.

It’s very freeing!

I’m choosing the vegan life-style now!

(What some call ‘pork chops’, I call ‘kale’.)

I eat whatever I want and STILL feel morally superior to everyone else.

Including the Pope!

The tidal wave of anti-intellectualism raging across America isn’t all bad.

I’m gonna feel really good about myself as I drown.


 

*I choose to define the  ‘dark ages’ as ‘all times before today’.

Christian Comedy for Hire

If you like my blog even a little bit, then you should know I do Christian Comedy live shows! It’s all the faith and fun you read here, but on stage, it’s even more hilarious. Hire me for your next corporate bash, church event, or school function, and let’s make it a night of laughs with my unique brand of Christian Comedy!

three little pigs

Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs in Shakespeare is available as a children’s book. Get the illustrated story based on my viral comedy routine from Amazon.  Makes a great gift for the word-lovers in your life. 

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3 Responses

  1. Good for you, John. Nice to know that your corn is sweet, your apple trees are well-rooted, and even your chickens are bearing good fruit!
    ( Just don’t hog the kale, okay)

  2. And the funniest post award goes to…..John Branyan! He receives a free chilli-bearing strawberry plant and pair of *novelty sunglasses!

    *frames not included

    We really do have to laugh about this stuff otherwise we’ll die crying!!!

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