If you identify as a Christian person you should stand opposed to hate. Opposing hate is not the same as merely disapproving of it. Disapproval is safe and easy. Standing opposed will cost you something.
“Gaslighting” is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt to make you question your own memory, perception, or judgment. When done properly, gaslighting makes you believe that you deserve to be abused. This technique works really well with Christians who think the gospel is primarily about getting along with everyone.
Christians who measure their faith by how much everybody likes them are prime targets for gaslighters. These Christians will shut down when they are accused of being unkind. They withdraw from every awkward conversation and will even apologize for speaking at all.
Here are a couple of real life examples of gaslighting from my online conversations.
It should go without saying that the above comment did not come from the Holy Spirit. So how should a disciple of Jesus respond? Before you answer, here’s another dialogue between a Christian and one of the denizens of darkness.
I can say with certainty that no Christian person would approve of the hateful comments in these two example. The question is, “How should a Christian demonstrate disapproval?”
These comments are excessively profane and vulgar because that intimidates many people. Harsh language and meanness is how evil people gaslight God’s children. The goal is to silence the voices of truth and righteousness. They want to make us think we are the bad guys.
When Christians back away from our convictions, we reward evil. We are doing the bidding of darkness.
The church is being told that Jesus wants us to be nice. We are being told that keeping our religious views to ourselves will win souls to the kingdom. We are told to be civil, compliant, and agreeable. It is not Jesus who is telling us those things.
“Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven. Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.”
Matthew 10 – Jesus talking…
Getting along with the world always requires denying Jesus. When the world isn’t yelling at us, it means they don’t know what we believe. When we tell them what we believe; they will hate us. That’s a promise from Jesus himself.
When they hate us, they will say awful things about us. When we fall silent to avoid the conflict, we allow lies to stand in place of truth. We have denied Jesus. We are cowards. The world is right to laugh at us when we then talk about the “power of faith” and our status as “more than conquerors.”
There is no righteousness in succumbing to fear.
This particular post will not appear on Facebook because I’ve been banished for 30 days. If you’re still trying to decide whether or not to become a member on my website, let me encourage you to make up your mind quickly. The choice will be out of your hands one day soon.
19 Responses
The argument I’m encountering is “sarcasm and satire are not godly” and “it’s the sword of the Spirit, not the hammer”, “don’t throw your pearls before swine” and while I agree (with my husband*cough*) to some extent, I respectfully disagree as well because of the reasons you listed in your article. You can’t reward evil by becoming silent. When I commented on your hitler meme, I got attacked by angry trolls, and angered my well meaning husband in the process. But I didn’t say those things off the cuff, I had been pondering those thoughts awhile. And I answered back because I knew that what the person was spewing was a big fat lie and I wanted to tell the truth. That’s NOTHING to what you’ve been dealing with…God bless you. Anyway, had to get that out there. Thanks 🙂
PS: that blurred out author’s name looks familiar…
I understand completely what you’re experiencing. Several members of my own family were angry with me for “antagonizing” people with my blog and podcast. It took some time and several gentle conversations before they began to understand my point of view.
There are a lot of years of passive theology in most church people. The highest Christian virtue we can achieve is complacency. We’ve been taught that Jesus doesn’t want us to rock the boat. I had to tell some of the people I love, “If God is telling you to sit still, then do it. Please stop scolding me when God tells me to stand up and make noise.”
So how does one confront evil while maintaining their Christian morals. Can you argue virtue with the vile, wisdom with the fool or are we simply casting our pearls before the swine? I don’t live in the public space (blog, perform, preach, my profile isn’t public) yet I have atheist friends and acquaintances who love to troll
It’s always a bit of a tightrope walk to confront evil. We need to keep our egos in check and make sure our responses are not based on pride or anger. The trolls are not interested in truth, they’ just like to fight. Your response to them should let them know that you’re not taking them seriously. There is nothing immoral about dismissing people who don’t want a rational discussion.
Potter Dee has obviously never seen someone intubated because if they put it down the throat it’s in the wrong place. Rarely are they conscious when you put one down. Sorry this is why I have a hard time watching medical shows it’s usually not done the way it is in real life. If you are going to try and intimidate me at least be realistic instead of just a troll.
My struggle has always been that I like that people like me. Because I considered myself a good person for so long kept me from finding the real source of life.
That being said, I do still fight the tendency to believe when they tell me I am being insensitive. (Like when I shared your infamous post about “essential workers”.)
But, truth is true, and if we can’t be truthful,(with or without tact; I don’t think Jesus was very tactful.) then what is our light good for?
Thank you, JB, for sharing the dark underbelly.
Sorry Facebook “can’t handle the truth.”
Thanks for the comment. You are welcome to be insensitive any time around here.
Sometimes it is necessary to describe and address evildoers harshly, especially when they are “leaders”. Jesus does this in Matthew 23. And sometimes it is necessary to “shake the dust off your feet” and move on (Matthew 10:14), not out of fear, but to make better use of our limited time and energy.
Good points. We need to ask for wisdom to know when it’s time to fight or move on.
When conviction feels like a 2X4 upside the head. Powerful. I think of all the friends (and not really friends) that I don’t engage because I know it won’t do any good and I’ll just upset them. I’m going to have to figure out how to work through this. I used to engage a lot more. It’s been over the years that I’ve pulled further inside myself and decided it wasn’t worth it. Deciding to pick my battles carefully. Tact is what was preached to me. You’ll do much better if you learn tact. So I worked on being more tactful. I think there is still an argument for when tact is still useful, but there are times that tact just won’t work and blunt truth has to win out. I have some more learning to do.
Tact is a handicap. When you restrict yourself to being tactfully respectful, you give leverage to people who don’t play by the rules of civility. It’s like trying to play basketball on your knees.
Stop hitting me with these 2X4s, I’ve got a headache. I know you are right, but I’m also gripped with fear. Pretty bad irony that I’m blasting my church for post upon post about not living in fear when they are perpetuating it with closing because of they feared what it would look like if they didn’t and then struggling to reopen because they might offend part of the congregation and I am too fearful to engage trolls and others and present the truth. The sad truth is that I know that painful truth is good for you. I’ve lived it. So how did I get to the point of not living up to my own beliefs?
Let me be clear, that 2×4 is walloping both of us. This post is mostly an indictment of myself.
Good to know I’m not the only one with a headache.
I don’t know why but I am always surprised by how hateful people can be to someone they don’t even know. To wish another persons parents to die painfully and alone is a special level of darkness in your soul. I agree John that we need to respond and not back away, but we are called to love our enemies so I think we must be firm in what we believe without being cruel.
What do you think constitutes cruelty?
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I am the same way. And yes, have been a coward on many occasions, God forgive me. John Branyan, thanks for this. Made me think and hopefully do better next time.
This is awesome! I love my church and pastor but he very much frowns on any kind of stand that I make against whatever is going on in the world. Particularly on social media. He has actually said the words “ people that vote differently than us”
He was going through Exodus and used the people groaning against Moses as a good time to admonish us about speaking against our leaders.
I would like to think I would have respected and followed Moses- no questions asked-
Hind site is 20/20
But I can’t imagine feeling the same way about whatever Nancy Pelosi thinks is just fine!
I try not to do cheap shots about looks etc. I do not use curse words. I do use sarcasm/ sarcastic memes.
It is hard not to second guess myself on these things but I am truly convicted about many things in church etc. but not this. When I see obvious wrong I cannot be quiet. Oh yeah, in person too