TRIGGER ALERT! – We’re gonna talk about stupid women (hypothetically) again. So don’t listen too long after the chicken update.

I catch up with my wife, Lori, (next to the dishwasher) for an update on the various animal activities around our home. I say she’s a weirdo. She does not agree, but she does not argue either.

Then, two little girls, driven mad by sugar, abruptly interrupt the podcast. Peaches tells me what she thinks about 50 Shades of Grey, even though she hasn’t read it.  We discuss what sort of books should be sold in ‘adult’ bookstores since porn is not very grown-up. Peaches wants to move the conversation to adult topics but I want to talk about porn.  We decide it’s okay to be a horrible person as long as you aren’t also real.  We wonder if billionaires would still be sexy if the weren’t billionaires. (Maybe.) We wonder if Christian Grey were Donald Trump would everyone be upset. (No.)

We get distracted because the parakeet might have puked. It takes a few minutes to figure out if this is even possible. (You’ll be amazed to know the truth.)

I give the Peaches my views about 50 Shades of Grey. Peaches pretty much tells me I’m wrong. Dead wrong. (Then, after listening to my words later on, I disagree with myself but it’s too late to take it back now! That’s what I get for not editing, Carl. That’s what I get.)

Then I have to make chicken nuggets. Peaches tells me she thinks ‘consent’ is a scam. I’m shocked but too busy making chicken nuggets to put up a decent argument.  I manage to ask how ’empowered’ women can’t give ‘consent’ and she cobbles together her usual anti-woman statements.

AND THEN — We update you on Carlina!  She’s the hypothetical girl who hypothetically makes a mess of her hypothetical family. She’s at it again! Valentine’s Day was all about empty promises and jewelry! It’s so sweet, the bird pukes again.  Then the Peaches rebukes me again for being out of touch with reality. (She’s on thin ice this episode. I’m interviewing new daughters after this one.) It turns out, there is no upside to being nice.

And then we talk about my son, Tim, and how he needs to get married immediately. (Really. No kidding.)

I deconvert and become an atpistevist. (Look it up.) We get pretty philosophical amid the outraged cries of the children. Quantum physics, philosophy, metaphysical reality are the playthings in our pen as we wind up this episode. Peaches teaches me how to answer any question with a single word.

Collin loses a shoe. Thanks for listening!
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