In an effort to heal our divided country, mega-popular band, “Lady A,” formerly known as, “Lady Antebellum,” has changed their name to an incomprehensible collection of cryptic symbols.
“We prefer to confuse fans rather than offend them,” said the band’s lead singer, Hillary Scott. “It broke our hearts to learn that our former band name was a toxic phrase. The word, ‘Lady’ is divisive and aggressive toward gender fluid individuals. And the word, ‘Antebellum’ is offensive to everyone who is ignorant of its definition.”
“Our first idea was to change our name to, Unspecified-Genderqueer-Nonbinary Antebellum,” Scott continued. “But we still needed to address the problematic word, ‘Antebellum,’ which means, ‘before the war.’ So many awful things happened before the war like slavery, the invention of gun powder, the objectification of cave-women by cavemen, and dinosaurs eating meat, that we couldn’t say ‘Antebellum’ without crying. We apologize to all the people we have wounded with our careless reference to countless historical events.”
Shortening the band name to, “Lady A” only appeased those few people who didn’t think to ask, “What does the ‘A’ stand for?” It quickly became clear to the band members that any recognizable English word could be interpreted as hate speech.
The new band name is not expected to trigger anyone other than mummies, who are not usually fans of country music anyway.
One Response
I’m offended by Hieroglyphics, the singers stances and expressions in the picture are weird and I prefer Reverse Country Music.
I want to tear this off my phone and stamp it in toddler rage and set fires to anything that I want to and steal running shoes. I will be screaming “Racist”! at anyone who tries to stop me, so they’re paralyzed in shame by my triggeredness and realize I’ve been sooooooo wounded by things in my past that they must let me do anything I want to. They will cause irreparable harm to me by saying “No” because my parents never had the courage to stop me. I expect a ribbon and trophy for showing up to this WordPress website to protest. Gimme!