YOU WON’T BELIEVE HOW THIS ENDS

Once upon a time there were creatures called ‘Journalists’.

At the top of their stories, journalists wrote ‘headlines’.

Which hinted at what the story was about.

Then the internet came along.

Now, headlines don’t summarize stories at all.

Instead, they are written to pique curiosity.

Journalists won’t tell me what the article is about

because I might decide not to click on it.

So…

Headlines are frantic cries for attention.

WHAT EVERYONE WHO BREATHES NEEDS TO KNOW

Warnings about the perils of ignoring the story.

10 POISONS YOU DON’T KNOW YOU”RE EATING EVERYDAY

Vague references to all the great stuff I’m missing.

THE MAGIC VEGETABLE YOUR DOCTOR WON’T TELL YOU ABOUT

And vast wealth that’s right at my fingertips.

GET PAID $14,000 EVERY MONTH FOR WATCHING TELEVISION

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve clicked videos labeled:

YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS

And when it was over

…I believed what happened.

Wasn’t even a stretch.

A cat got stuck in a paper bag…

A goat made a sound like a farm animal…

Some kid crashed his bicycle…

All of these things are completely believable.

I’m always disappointed.

Then angry for letting myself get duped.

I swear I’ll never fall for it again.

Then I see a headline:

99% OF PEOPLE HAVE DONE THIS, HOW ABOUT YOU?

And I click it.

…it’s an article about taking showers.

AAAAAGH!

Why

can’t

I

stop

clicking

those

links?

“Indeed, I am against those who prophesy false dreams,” declares the Lord. “They tell them and lead my people astray with their reckless lies, yet I did not send or appoint them. They do not benefit these people in the least,” declares the Lord.”

Jeremiah 23:32