The Democrats are righteously indignant. They’re sick of villainy and they’re not taking it any more! It’s time for somebody to protect the American people from the the dastardly deeds performed by unspecified shady characters. The best way to fight evil is with self-righteous grandstanding so it’s tricky choosing the right Democrat from a field of so many qualified superheros.

For example, Pete Buttigieg, whose qualifications for leadership include being married to a dude and infinite resentment for Mike Pence, said this:

“The Republican Party likes to cloak itself in the language of religion. Now, our Party doesn’t talk about that as much, largely for a very good reason, which is [that] we are committed to the separation of church and state, and we stand for people of any religion and people of no religion. But we should call out hypocrisy when we see it, and for a Party that associates itself with Christianity to say that it is okay to suggest that God would smile on the division of families at the hands of federal agents, that God would condone putting children in cages, has lost all claim to ever use religious language again.”

Go get em’ Pete! Just last week I was driving past the Republican headquarters as they were slipping into their cloaks of religious language. I overheard one of them say, “When I think about federal agents dividing families, I smile.” Another waved a chicken foot and said, “Do you think God condones putting children in cages? I do!” Then they took turns pumping carbon into the air and giggling as polar bears died.

And I thought, why doesn’t somebody stop these people?

Democrats to the rescue! God bless them as they bravely face the backlash that comes from condemning cruelty. Polls indicate that a whopping 87% of Americans favor putting kids in cages. It’s a key issue for voters and standing against it will certainly not make anyone popular. The religion cloaked conservatives won’t vote for anyone who doesn’t promise to consistently victimize children. The Democrats are showing us a better way!

They’re against Republican efforts to abuse children. They’re opposed to Cruella Deville making coats from puppy skins. They won’t stand for Snidely Whiplash tying women to train tracks. They’ve condemned Agent Smith connecting humans to the matrix against their will. And they’re firmly against Thanos oppressing the universe.

If you’re concerned about the kind of evil that you read about in comic books, cast your vote for a Democrat.