Russell Moore said, “While divorce is sometimes necessary, it is never good,” and that was the cue for a horde of divorced Christian women to defend the dissolution of families.
Because a lot of people heard that and went, “Never good? Excuse me, have you met my husband? Divorce was the most spirit-led thing I’ve done since deciding to homeschool.”
Nobody gets divorced because they got bored, selfish, resentful, or fell in love with a personal trainer named Chase. Everybody has a testimony. Every divorce comes with a trailer voice.
“In a world… where he forgot date night… one woman found the courage… to file.”
If you can successfully ignore scripture for long enough, you’ll come to believe God’s highest priority for a married woman is that she be happy at all times. Not holy. Not faithful. Not patient. Happy. Constantly. The Proverbs 31 woman’s operating principle is, “my needs are not being met.”
Modern Christians have a slightly lower threshold for suffering than our ancestors. The martyrs got fed to lions. Ashley had to share a bed with a man who chews ice and can’t properly load a dishwasher.
That’s why every story has to escalate into abuse language, because if you just say, “I didn’t like being gracious,” that sounds selfish. But if you say, “The divorce began long before the paperwork,” it sounds like something completely outside your control.
“Divorce happens long before the filing of any papers.” That’s like saying, “Home ownership happens long before the title transfer.” No it doesn’t. Until then, you’re just walking around open houses with a vision board and an iced coffee. Divorce happens when you sign the papers, not when you run out of patience.
They want all the moral drama of heroism with none of the moral burden of vows. They don’t want to say, “I broke a promise.” They want to say, “I survived a journey.”
Ma’am, a journey is hiking the Appalachian Trail. Divorce is deleting your wedding photos and changing your bio to “healing.” Say it in church words, it stops sounding like self-centeredness and starts sounding like obedience. You didn’t leave your husband, you “followed peace.” You didn’t break vows, you “honored your future self.”
When it’s over, it’s no more dramatic than returning a blender. “It just wasn’t the right fit for this season of my life.” It’s good to be rid of bad blenders. God doesn’t want us to endure lumps in our smoothies.
(Matthew 19:4) “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
2 Responses
Thank you…and amen. The only reason I was divorced is because my x left, telling me, “I don’t love you, I don’t know if I ever loved you.” It took me 10+ years of beating myself up; what did I do wrong…what could I have done differently…what is the matter with me? Thrilled to tell you that my current husband and I have celebrated 45 years of a WONDERFUL marriage, while my x went on to wife #’s 2 and 3. He recently died with prostate cancer and I felt nothing. Not anger, not further questions, not “payback…” just nothing. That is the only thing that made me sad…that I felt NOTHING.
I have been divorced 2x. I was too young the first time. I had no idea who I was and convicted at the time. I knew I had not lived up to God’s marriage design. The 2nd time, my ex-husband had a drinking problem. He was verbally abusive to my sons and me. I did not want to divorce but I did want him to either move out or seek treatment. He chose drinking and divorce.