Pro-Trump evangelicals are on their knees asking for assistance in the re-election of Donald Trump. Gathering in churches and gun shows across the nation, they are petitioning the Almighty to include “Vote for Trump” as part of the plan of salvation along with repenting of sins and putting faith in Jesus.

“We’re not asking to throw out any of the gospel,” said Erwin Cronk, an attendee at one of the “Save America Vote Trump” rallies. “We still believe Jesus is important, for sure! But we think the threat of losing their immortal souls might encourage some undecided voters to make the right choice and vote Trump!”

Participants are asking for specific signs from God to help them determine how their prayers have been answered. Depending on God’s answer (‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘not yet’) the signs are to be as follows:

‘YES’ – Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, after growing out her hair and fingernails, will begin grazing in the fields like an animal.

‘NO’ – The participants will discover in the scriptures that their idolization of Donald Trump is a sin and they’ll feel stupid about the whole idea.

‘NOT YET’ – A picture of Trump holding up a Bible in front of a church building will circulate on the internet.

This election, like every election before it, is the most important election of all time. The fate of mankind hinges on who sits in the White House. Pro-Trump evangelicals know that God is ultimately in control but Donald Trump will certainly make God’s job easier. They fully support Jesus remaining seated by God’s right hand. They are only asking that Trump be seated on the other side.