I admit I wasn’t expecting anyone to defend grudge holding. I thought it was commonly agreed that fostering ill feelings wasn’t a good thing to do.
Once again…I was wrong.
It seems somebody taught you that it’s okay to hate people who you’ve determined to be “toxic.” For the sake of your emotional health, you nurture anger and bitterness. You justify your own toxicity because someone else is toxic too.
I’m NOT saying that you’re required to be friends with abusive people. I AM saying there is a difference between holding a grudge and distancing yourself from people who mistreat you.
Abusive people exist. I know dozens of them. They have no control over their emotions. They don’t think about other people. They say hurtful things. Some of them do physical violence. Almost all of them hold grudges.
I can easily distance myself from most abusive people. They aren’t my friends or members of my family. Cutting them out of my life doesn’t have a major impact on me or them. When they’re gone, I don’t miss them. Usually, they don’t even know I’ve dismissed them.
It gets tricky when the “toxic people” are folks I claim to love. I’m not a child anymore so I don’t get to accuse you of being “unloving” just because I don’t like what you’re doing. If you’re part of my family, you are allowed to annoy me. In fact, I expect it.
A terrible friend is one who doesn’t allow you some moments of toxicity. I’ve been extremely toxic at various times in my life. My closest relationships tolerate a few selfish tempter tantrums. The best people I know have boundaries that include me at my worst. To love is to suffer abuse.
On the other hand, the most insufferable people I know refuse to suffer anything for anyone. The most toxic people are constantly cutting toxic people out of their lives. It never occurs to them that the common element in all their horrible relationships is themselves.
You have expanded the definition of ‘abusive’ to include everything you don’t like. You judge your loved ones to be ‘toxic’ while claiming your own ugly grudge is justified. If your goal is to enjoy true friendship with other humans, instead of judging friends; start BEING a friend.
“But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”
(Mark 11:26)
