As you slowly crawl out from under mandatory shelter at home protocol and return to the freedom of mandatory re-opening protocol, you will hear from many different experts. Some experts tell you to wear a mask. Other experts tell you wearing a mask will make you sick. How can you know which expert is correct? I’ll tell you how.

You need to listen to the Expert Expert Recognition Panel (EERP). The EERP is an elite group of experts whose expertise is determining which experts you can ignore. The EERP can be trusted because each member of the group is selected by the Society of Expert Expert Expert Recognition Panel Selection (SEEERPS).

The SEEERPS is an even MORE elite group of experts who specialize in locating experts with the ability to locate experts with the insight to determine which experts are truly experts. The members of this group are chosen by collecting data from everybody’s cell phones without their knowledge and feeding it into a sophisticated computer model that can accurately pick REAL experts from the general population. (The computer software was pulled from a magic hat at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.)

So you better believe the experts choosing the experts who choose the experts who pick the experts who are telling you how to live your life in complete safety, can be trusted completely. Experts are chosen by expert expert expert choosers who know a lot more than you do about whatever you’re wondering about. Do what they say or else people will die and it will be your fault.

If, for some reason, you are still uncertain about which expert advice to follow – use your best judgment.