Because it doesn’t matter.

That’s why the title.

This isn’t about coleslaw.

You didn’t click for coleslaw anyway.

Admit it!

100 million copies.

That’s how many times these lines were repeated:

• “My inner goddess is beside herself, hopping from foot to foot.”
• “My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.”
• “I must be the color of the communist manifesto.”

I’d understand if hamsters were buying these books.

Hamsters can’t read.

…They’d chew up the pages and make nests for their babies.

But people bought all these books.

Can you explain our species needing 100 million copies?

Is there a reasonable rationale?

…no.

…But so what?

You’d lose interest in the explanation.

Wouldn’t read past the first paragraph.

So I won’t bore you with my analysis.

Instead, I’ll titillate you with the kind of literary prowess…

…that should earn me at least 100 million Facebook shares.

Send the kids to bed and enjoy this steamy tale…

“Passion Juice Flows At Hexagon”

I’m not supposed to be here. Wherever this is. If anywhere.

I’ve never seen ice cubes shaped like that. Is this even legal? It can’t be legal. Not in the Midwest anyway. Maybe in some western states where the price of love is higher than a free standing statue of David. His smooth muscles glistening with dew from the morning air of some western state where anything goes, even oddly shaped ice.

I’m hopping around like a rider-less pogo-stick in a mattress store. So much coleslaw. And I’ve not even seen the dessert cart. But my senses tell me it’s about to arrive. Laden with sweetness. Desserty sweetness.

Then she just appears. Like a misty smoke of vapor. But she’s much more solid. Yet soft. Very soft. Liquid almost but still solid. Gelatinous in all the right places. So much gelatinous solidness in one woman! Like a statue of Minerva or Aphrodite or whichever goddess is in charge of love. I can’t remember. My heart is beating like something that beats really fast because I’ve never seen a woman like this before. Not since yesterday when we first did forbidden things together. Oh, how I long for yesterday. I shake off the desire for past indiscretions because time travel is impossible and it does no good to waste today wishing for yesterday while tomorrow overtakes you like a freight train loaded with bitterness and urges.

I shudder. Not because I’m cold but because my religion is shaking free from my heart-strings. It’s ebbing away through my fingertips like a liquid. Like a misty smoke.

It’s all wrong and that’s why it’s so very right. I reach for her. She puts a finger to my lips. Then another. All at once, her palm covers my mouth. And my nose. She’s smothering me with her love. And her hand too.

My inner cell phone yearns to place a call but I’m out of roll-over minutes!

We tumble together like lace underwear in a clothes dryer but there’s no dryer sheet. Static cling runs amok! Everything is raw and unbridled like a raw, unbridled stallion. I want to cry out but I dare not! Instead, I chew my bottom lip as ecstasy overtakes us. I chew until I taste blood. Then, I chew a different part of my lip while ecstasy overtakes us. When I taste blood again, I stop chewing my lip and just let ecstasy overtake us.

Then I’m spent. Love has exhausted me. Or perhaps it’s loss of blood. Either way I’m wrung out like a dishtowel that has been soaked in love and wrung out.

“Your lip is bleeding,” she says. Her toes dance like nine little yard gnomes peeking out under the sheets, plus one more.

But I know what she means. There is a powerful force between us. Visceral and irresistible. I cannot escape. I don’t want to. I’ll never want to. Besides, I cannot. She has cast a spell on me. I belong to her and she belongs to the cosmic reality of extravagant, irresistible ecstasy and it’s a bus ride that I can’t afford so she’s loaning me her pass-card. Unlimited rides.

“I’m hungry,” she says huskily.

I feel my inner angel get a pair of wings. And a new vest. Matching slacks and some argyle socks.

“Then let’s make waffles,” I suggest with matching huskiness.

Oh! Oh! Oh!  This is going to make a great movie!