Why do ‘guests’ leave your church, never to return?
Obviously, you’re not providing what they want.
Well, there’s good news!
(Not that ‘good news’…)
This good news:
Breathe easy…this problem is fixable.
The advertised 5-step process will IMPACT your church…
…in ways, the Holy Spirit could never imagine.
You must ‘follow-up’ with guests.
Any good salesman will tell you that.
You must make people think they’re important.
If you don’t follow-up with guests, they’ll go to another church.
And your ego takes a hit.
So you gotta do the follow-up.
The problem is: follow-up sucks.
But now, you can “skip the headaches of manual follow-up”.
As a Church leader, you don’t have time for tedious, relationship building.
‘Relationships’ is what church did in the 1970’s.
You might as well install an organ and start singing hymns too!
Ha! Ha!
You don’t even have time to say the phrase, ‘relationship building’.
That’s why you say, ‘connection’.
“We just want to connect with Millenials.”
“We provide time to make connections.”
“Connections, bro. What else is there?”
Millenials love connections.
Nothing connects with Millenials like a copy-and-paste text message.
Send a Millenial a text like:
Awesome seeing you on Sunday!
…and they’ll be back sipping your cappuccino next Sunday.
But don’t take my word for it.
Read these testimonies, collected via webpage, from people who are probably real:
“I really felt, like, really connected.”
“It didn’t even feel like a church, y’know? Nobody pushed religion on me. Just good coffee and connections.”
“The emails were better than those from other churches. I really hesitated before unsubscribing.”
Now you may be asking, does this system work with people who aren’t Millenials?
Maybe!
We haven’t tested it with other age groups.
Our focus is Millennials because that demographic likes our worship band.
So if you’re ready to add 10-15% more nameless faces to your Sunday attendance…
…without a HUGE time drain…
…while avoiding the hassle of interpersonal communication…
…CLICK THAT BUTTON AND RESERVE YOUR SPOT IN THE NEXT SEMINAR!
This is MUCH easier than preaching the gospel.
71 Responses
Thanks, mrsmcmommy!
If ever I have children, I do plan to homeschool them. Still working on the find-a-wife part of it, though.
What scares me about the millennials and younger-uns (whatever they are calling that generation… who get to make up the names, anyway?) is that it was so easy to see them change their thinking with what I explain to them. It is scary because in many ways, they did the same thing with what I told them: took it as true because someone they thought was “cool” (may the Lord help us all if I am the definition of cool) and knowledgable said so. While it was flattering to sway younger minds, that really is not my goal. I want them to ask *why* what I say is true, or at least investigate it for themselves.
So thusly, I point to Scripture when I share the Gospel. It ain’t the truth because Dave says so, it is the truth because God says so. Then they will not be swayed by every doctrine like a ship in a storm, believing whatever sounds good to them based on what their latest idol thinks.
When I was a youth leader many years ago, I was asked to meet with the kids’ parents to explain my plans for the youth group and my philosophy in ministry. Always a great idea, though rather intimidating for me, still a young pup. I decided to have fun with it. I told them, “My goal is to get your kids to stop believing in your faith.” Then I stopped and let my words sink in long enough to see the panic growing in their faces. Just before the first outraged response could leave their lips, I added. “And instead make it their faith.” Whether or not I was successful is in Hands much more capable than mine, but that really was my goal. Kids look up to “cool” adults, and often parrot what they say and do. That was a responsibility that I never took lightly in my teaching. Frankly it scared me sometimes. But it also drove me to point to Jesus instead of imperfect Dave and to God’s Word as the source of truth, not my words. Always made it easier to counsel honoring your parents “Hey, if you have a problem with it, take it up with God. I am just the messenger.”
Dave
1 Corinthians 3:10-11 (ESV) – According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.
Ah, I got reminded why I have not commented on issues concerning the Church, I am naturally long-winded when it comes to these types of things- so I’ll try to keep it short. No promises that it’ll actually be short, however haha.
Millennials have very close “connections” with other millennials. This is either good, or bad. It is good in the fact that a Christian millennial can invite an unsaved millennial to church- and they’ll usually come. The downside is: because millennials are more inclined to be influenced by their peers, they may not have any spiritual growth- for they aren’t listening to those older and wiser. Young churches stay young. Older churches are getting older.
Also, it seems that, in attempts to reach everybody- millennials have tried to avoid being “judgmental”. Therefore, many sins have not been addressed, and- even- been excused or accepted among millennials. Also, I do not know what they are teaching in Christian universities, but it seems that every time a hot-button topic ( like judgment and homosexuality) is addressed- millennials always accuse the older generations of taking verses out of context. Trying to not be political, but I don’t know if the fact that universities are becoming more liberal is a good thing. For the millennial always has a way to agree with the liberal side like ” Jesus was a socialist” or “abortion and homosexuality are sins, but why don’t you address your own issues?” I scratch my head at a lot of things that exit the mouths of many people my age.
The last one leads to staying stagnant in the faith. Which is one of the reasons why most megachurches get criticized for being ” a mile wide yet an inch deep”.
So for many reasons, the millennials are at odds with older generations. Political, interpretation and misuse of scripture, and- the big one- music.
I will never understand the all-or-nothing attitude with hymns, or even choruses from the 70s-90s. Some older churches sing all hymns, most younger ones have the mindset “that is so ten years ago”- no joke, I have heard that line. Because, apparently, engaging culture means only singing current top songs on Christian radio. I believe there are great songs from all eras, and also that worship is much more than the songs we sing. But I’ll leave that at that.
So with all that I’ve said, I think the Church needs to address that “unity sermons” don’t need to just address racial differences, but generational differences as well. I think the generational divide is one of the most problematic issues of the Church. I will stop before I get to solutions of this issue, for my comment is growing large.
Finally though, my dad- as a pastor, always wanted to follow up with guests. He has found out, though, that millennials do not answer the phone nor return phone calls. So is a text more effective than a phone call that won’t be answered nor returned, or is the “effectiveness” due to multiple factors, some of which I probably didn’t mention?
But yes, I am a millennial but speak about the generation as though I am not a part of it.
Matt
1 Corinthians 12: 12-14
12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.13 For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.
Matt,
I am an older guy (though not an “old guy” yet), and I have worked with many millennials at the restaurant I used to cook at. What amazed me was that they had very strong opinions on issues, and were quick to say what seem to be some pretty liberal talking points, both dealing with politics and religion. When I asked them about particular things, like why they thought socialism was so great, they tended to either not know, or actually change their minds when things were explained.
I think that the culture, music, social networking, iPods and smartphones, and especially TV has subtly weakened the discernment and critical thinking skills of that generation. Ten years ago, I was a schoolteacher, and was amazed at how quick the kids (who are now all grown up and probably qualify as millennials) would passionately stand for a cause due to some celebrity saying something. When pressed to examine their views, they sometimes would change them as well, when they added intellect to emotion.
Lord only knows what shape the next generation after you will be like.
With that in mind, I have learned to never accept what the younger generation says they believe until I break through the surface statements. God made us all to be social creatures, not to be alone. Though there are generational differences, human needs are all them same. We yearn to be valued, understood, accepted, loved, and have an ownership in something greater. The church can do that by being the church that Scripture tells us to be. We should be making real connections with all people, based on our God-given human needs. All generations can agree on that.
As a side note, part of what we all have lost in our culture is the value of the wisdom of older people. In years past, the eldest of people were greatly honored and their thoughts were taken seriously. Now most of society thinks of old people as feeble and useless, ready to be sent off to a nursing home somewhere to play shuffleboard and watch TV in the community area.
Where I live, the Hawaiians call old people “kupuna”. While it has the basic meaning of “old person”, it also means an honored elder who is a family or community leader. (http://www.primitiveways.com/kupuna.html) Their wisdom is valued. Heck, anyone even only a decade younger than me calls me “uncle”, a term of respect for someone older than you (https://www.quora.com/Why-do-people-from-Hawaii-call-their-unrelated-elders-Auntie-and-Uncle)
Every generation is made up of people looking to be valued and accepted by other generations. What you have said makes sense. It is only when we break down artificial generational barriers that the church truly can become the body of Christ that it was meant to be.
Dave
1 Tim 4:12 (ESV) – Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.
Titus 2: 1- (ESV) – But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.
These are great comments, Dave and Matt!
I think your assessment of critical thinking and discernment being in shorter and shorter supply are spot on!
I read an extremely depressing study a few years ago–in which a cross section of teachers and professors were given sample essays to grade. Overwhelmingly, the researchers found that teachers gave higher grades to the papers based on how “interesting” the essays and anecdotal evidence were…but not based on how well the students/writers supported their arguments.
In other words, too many teachers can’t teach critical thought and discernment because they can’t do it themselves! Unfortunately, I’ve seen this in my own experience, talking with some of my teacher friends during election years. They tend to be very vocal about who the unions want them to vote for. But, after just a couple of clarifying questions, it’s obvious they don’t know what they’re talking about…
I know it’s not popular to say, but I just can’t trust mainstream teachers to educate Americans out of this problem! It’s up to the Wisdom-filled families to raise up a smart and savvy generation. And THAT’S why I homeschool.
(Well, that, and because I want my daughters to become doormats and to wear their hair in braids down to their ankles.) 😉
…again with the winky-face?
:b
Hey John(Branyan, not Zande)
If there is just a bit of room here among your fans for a positive thought I’d like to add one.
Great stuff, very biting, and baring objection, I’d like to share this.
Keep John Zande and Mike(KIA) over here will ya? I could use the peace and quiet LOL.
Share anything you like, Wally. Thanks!
I’ll do what I can to keep JZ and KIA occupied. It’s not terribly difficult as they have an extremely limited range of conversational topics. Doesn’t matter what I post, their comments are the same.
Yeah…that’s true. I think they keep them on auto post or something and just push a button and poof, a comment is made LOL.
I’ve learned a lot from them.
Truly they have demonstrated the futility of thinking that comes from those who say there is no God.
Yes…they truly do the Lord’s word unintentionally don’t they? They utter absurdity of their arguments have certainly made my faith stronger.
Love to see you two in action by the way. Ya’ll crack me up for sure.
Gonna release a podcast this weekend. Would love to hear what you think…
Well…LOL, if my internet will support it will surely watch or listen. Lucky to even blog lately. Life in the country
John,
One has to wonder what some of these churches are even in the “business” for.
And many of these churches are thinking of themselves just like a business. Now, to be an “effective” church, you must have a purpose statement. That really lets people know what you are all about. Bonus points if you construct it using bold letters from the first letters of each word of your church name. Then you add a catchy slogan. Then a nice bookstore/coffee house/ gym/ gas station. Ditch the crosses inside and out, so you can help people forget what there place is and stands for.
It is sad that the church increasingly tries to imitate the world. The world will always be better at entertainment and music production, since they can concentrate on just one thing.
So if I can give the modern church some business advice: find your niche. Find that one thing that you can offer that nobody else can do as well as you. How about making it the preaching of the Gospel? Add on authentic Christian love. And then give them a side of genuine fellowship.
Makes me think someone could do a TV show like Kitchen Nightmares for churches. A guy could go into a church, observe the whole thing, then come back with changes. And probably a redesign of the décor. There would, by necessity, be a lot of yelling and crying over the state of the place and the changes. I wonder if anyone has pitched this to Gordon Ramsay?
Dave
Acts 2:42-47 (ESV)
And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.
In all seriousness, I’ve really missed JZ around here.
Why have you stayed away so long?!
Yep. That has indeed occurred to me.
The utter nonsense is not within Christianity itself. People are figuring out that many churches have morphed into social clubs. The ‘customer service’ aspect of church is a distortion of New Testament doctrine.
True. According to Acts, Christians should be practicing communists, which would be novel (maybe even fantastic) if it worked.
There’s an evangelical mega-church near me (not mega by US standards, but about 10,000 strong) which has bands, light shows, and even professional dancers.
Exactly! The nonsense crops up when people say stuff like, “According to Acts, Christians should be practicing communists”. Then, instead of addressing the problems with that doctrine, the church cranks up the bands, light shows and dancers.
No, the nonsense remains the laughable Creationist cosmogony evangelicals cling to… and the understanding that evolving societal norms (social memes) are the actual source for morality.
Just look at your daughter for evidence of how religion retards advancment. She supports slavery and wants gays murdered. Why? Because it’s in your book.
At least she’s honest about that.
Are you?
Wow! Guess you don’t want to talk about communism.
Did you already forget what happened last time you trotted out the ‘societal norms are the source for morality’?
Yes, unable to respond in a rational manner, you fled the post.
Want to see Capuchin monkey’s demonstrating a highly advance, complext sense of fairplay/morality again?
Nope.
If societal norms determine morality, then slavery is moral in those countries where it is allowed. So is beheading infidels.
Please respond.
Evolving societal norms, exactly…. Like moving beyond the commands made in your bible to traffick in human slaves, and murder gays.
Even animal sacrifice.
Or do you think slavery is fine, killing gays is OK, and animal sacrifice is splendid?
Yes! This is what happened last time…
If I lived in a society where slavery was legal, why should I not own slaves? If I lived in a society where murdering gays was esteemed, what would be wrong with killing gays?
Well done! Nothing, by those standards.
So, do you think slavery is fine, killing gays is OK, and animal sacrifice is splendid?
It’s a really simple question.
No. I don’t think slavery is fine. I don’t think killing gays is OK. Animal sacrifice doesn’t bother me.
Good for you, excluding the animals, of course.
So, can you tell me where you got these ideas from?
Self-evidently, its not from your bible. Yhwh supports slavery, Jesus supports it, and Paul encourages it, even giving instructions as to how slaves should behave.
So: As it most certainly isn’t from the pages of the bible, where did you, John, get the idea in your head that slavery was morally reprehensible?
You really have forgotten everything, haven’t you?
If slavery is wrong only because my culture has deemed it, then slavery IS NOT wrong in cultures where it is accepted.
This is YOUR position is it not?
Evolving societal norms.
You got it again.
Well done.
(And I see you’re not too keen to actually answer the question put to you. Understandable. It is awkward for you, I get it)
Not awkward at all.
I got my ideas that slavery and killing gays is wrong from the culture in which I am steeped. They are evolved societal norms.
Ta Dah!
Precisely!
I’m proud of you, John.
Thanks!
Your approval is extremely important to me.
Now, do you think they should stop killing gays in other societies? If so, why?
You already know the answer to that question, John. After all, you just answered itself, you clever thing.
Yes! That’s what happened last time too!
I am clever enough to figure out that you’re a bag of wind. Nothing more.
A bag of wind you, self-evidently, agree with, John… morality is an emergent thing, evolving through advancing societal norms.
No religion, no god, required. In fact, religion and gods merely retard that development.
It’s a great and positive thing, therefore, that 260,000 young people are jettisoning evangelical Christianity every year. It means your country is becoming more advanced, more moral, better.
Keep it up!
So you agree with me that they should keep killing gays in other societies!
Glad to hear it!
Keep it up!
Did I say that?
Add another strawman doll to your LEGO box, John.
No. You didn’t say anything.
You never do.
I’m calling my strawman doll ‘Jon Zunde’. It has a string on its back. You pull it and he says nothing.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TcF5uH6DhvU/UpeBaxUdFmI/AAAAAAAAATc/mZGsaDm0Qrc/s1600/18.jpg
All that believed were together, and had all things in common; And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.
(Acts 2:44-45)
There was not a needy person among them, for as many as owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold. They laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. There was a Levite, a native of Cyprus, Joseph, to whom the apostles gave the name Barnabas (which means “son of encouragement”). He sold a field that belonged to him, then brought the money, and laid it at the apostles’ feet.
(Acts 4:34-37)
Is it possible that Marx’s famous line “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” took its inspiration directly from the New Testament?
Oh, no….
Communists have used part of the Bible to defend their politics…
NOW WHAT??!?!?!
JZ, old boy, you sure do have me backed in a corner this time!
What makes you think I’m a communist?
Nothing.
Didn’t say you were one.
But, on second thought, maybe I should. If Mrs. McMommy believes in killing gays, then maybe JZ believes in killing Jews.
You’ll learn all kinds of things when you visit the comment section of the Comedy Sojourn!
It’s possible, I suppose.
Is it possible that you chose the word ‘Communism’ instead of ‘generous’ because you are not a Christian?
Communes of people sharing everything is communism, John.
Sorry, that’s just a fact.
Please, don’t confuse “communism” with the 20th Century Russian experiment with “communism.”
I know your grasp of history is shallow, at best (you thought the ancient Greeks were Christians, after all), but it’s actually an ancient socioeconomic system that has been tried out many, many times.
Communes of people BEING FORCED to divide their possessions under penalty of law is communism, John.
Sorry, that’s just a fact.
The confusion about the meaning of the word ‘communism’ is PRECISELY why you used that word. Otherwise, you would have said ‘sharing’.
Keep swinging , Slugger!
No John, people living in communes, sharing everything, is communism.
Sorry.
That’s one aspect of communism.
It’s also an aspect of Christianity.
Sorry…
Bingo!
Christians, according to Acts, should be communists.
Now don’t go all smalltown US of A on me and start rambling on about the 20th century Russian communism.
Just accept you were wrong, and move on.
Ha Ha! I get it. Christians should be communists in the way YOU define communism, not the way communism is universally understood.
No, sorry John, I don’t get to define “communism.”
Look at the word, John… Can you see the derivitive in there: COMMUNE?
Thank you for this comment. Very well stated John.
Has it occured to you that perhaps, just perhaps, hoards are jettisoning Christiniaty (260,000 young people per year, according to John S. Dickerson, in The Great Evangelical Recession(p. 26) because they’ve been honest with themselves and have challenged that which once could not be challenged, and have realised (for themelves, without any great help, and usually alone) that the cosmogony presented in Christianity is utter nonsesne?
I have attended churches with organs and hymns and they aren’t any better at building relationships than the contemporary churches are, some treat marriage as a prerequisite for fellowship and could care less about outsiders in their midst.
Maybe an automated text sent to unmarried outsiders would turn their attendance around…
What would it say? “Meet your eternal match at so-and-so church?”
You wouldn’t need to categorize the emails for different groups. Just a generic, “We’ll say whatever you want to hear” will do nicely for all the disenfranchised family members.
Someone’s been nipping a little bit too much at the communion wine
Ding, ding, ding!
You were right, JB!
LOL!
I actually agreed with the post. If the Holy Spirit is alive and active and the word of God is “able to accomplish what I have set it forth” then marketing and propaganda and advertising (and Christian blogging?) Become unnecessary and an example of the lack of faith and trust in God to do his own work.
That’s not what the post is about.
HAHAHAHA!
“I’m going to predict that KIA will be the first to comment.” –JB
“Okay. But it’s a post criticizing the Church biz, so what’s he going to say?” –Me
“Oh, he should have no reason to disagree. But, of course, he’ll have to spin it like, because the churches do things wrong, then I should agree with him about EVERYTHING.”
“Ah, that’s probably true. So you’re calling that it will be KIA first, and he will find some way to agree without agreeing.”
“Yeah, he’ll say something like, ‘Thanks for pointing out that church is useless.’ That’s how he’ll do it.”
Amazing.
I think it was the active and living Holy Spirit revealing truth to me.
I almost used the hashtag #Prophecy.
😀
I actually agreed with the premise of his post.
That should have been your first comment–before you did a terrible job summarizing it. 😉
Have you always been this rude or is it a recent personality change? Would you appreciate hearing your kids speak this way? Would you have been allowed to speak this way by your parents when you were a kid? Honest questions. Not asking for a response, just reflection
Save it, KIA.
We’ve read your blog.
You’re welcome to participate but don’t play the ‘abused non-theist’ here.
I don’t fee abused… I’m asking for the other person to ask herself some important questions as to her behaviour and motivations. And whether they match what she would have for her own kids, or her parents would have wanted for her growing up.
Me? I’ll let it go. She should really consider who she wants to be as a person. Toodles.
Two things, KIA:
#1. You’re not in Kansas anymore. You can’t get away with being a condescending jerk on your blog, and then play the martyr when you’re here. I will call you out.
#2. If I’ve said something untrue, explain what it was. Otherwise, you’d be much better off to take the highroad and laugh along with me. Save some dignity.