I’m a recovering frequent flyer rewards member.
Quitting the frequent flyer program is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
The addiction is powerful.
I was hooked after my first piece of luggage checked for free.
Delta calls frequent flyers ‘Medallion Members’.
But they never actually gave me a medal.
… they might as well have called me a ‘Pile Of Cash Member’.
…or ‘Private Island In The Bahamas Member’.
I never cared about the medal anyway because they gave me ‘perks’.
Perks are privileges .
Special treatment…Like pre-boarding!
Pre-boarding is the special time when only important people are allowed to board.
The reward for spending many hours on an airplane is…
…MORE time sitting on an airplane!
Many times, pre-boarding lets me get on the plane so early…
…they haven’t even turned on the air conditioning!
I try to be especially polite when I’m pre-boarding.
“Excuse me! Medallion Member coming through! Stand aside please!”
“Please, peasants! Stand aside!”
(Notice I say ‘please’…)
There’s a little red carpet that I get to walk on.
The people who aren’t Medallion Members…
…(aka. ‘vermin’)
…can only gaze wistfully at that patch of low-pile luxury.
I usually strip to my underwear and roll across the carpet.
With membership comes privilege.
But that’s just the beginning.
I get luggage tags.
I get postcards from Delta offering me credit cards!
And I get lots of emails from Delta reminding me that I’ve got status.
Man, I love status.
So much that when I almost lost my Medallion Membership last year…
…I panicked.
I was going to miss qualifying by a just a few hundred miles.
So I booked a flight.
A flight I didn’t need…
…to a place I didn’t have to go…
…for a medallion that doesn’t exist…
…with perks I don’t care about…
…and status that impresses nobody.
Truth is, I haven’t actually quit the Medallion program.
I’m still ‘Silver Medallion’ level.
(It’s basically ‘vermin’ with 1 free checked bag.)
But I’m through trying to move up the qualification ranks.
If I never make ‘Gold Medallion’…
…I’ll just buy a chunk of red carpet online.
Because I’m an Amazon Prime member!
6 Responses
LOL, great comments, Brett! 😀
By the way, I traveled with a colleague yesterday and I did offer him my pillow, blanket, and water. He refused them. He didn’t want the other people in the backitty-back to think that he had connections of some kind.
So, you’re one of the huddled masses who try and force their across my carpet?! Why is it you must to bumrush the carpet when your ticket clearly states zone 3 and all they have done so far is to announce the courtesy board for families with children under 2 with strollers. Does your ticket say “Infant-in-arms”? I don’t think so. Back away. Keep off the carpet.
Pleeease!!! You know you covet our tiny water bottles and our paper thin blankets and pillows. I know your mission. You strive to get the unused ones or the unopened ones we throw from our seats in disgust.
And, though you loath the preboard, you work to help part the masses for those who take a courtesy preboard before those of us “the premium cabin” can board.
Also, just to help you out with this part in case you are not understanding it, the premium cabin is the section located between the bulkhead and the minute blue cotton wall. Please quit using our lavatory or you will force the lead flight attendant to close the blue curtain of shame. We don’t like this separation anymore than you do.
Another thing, please quit requesting tea or coffee during the drink service. When the main cabin attendants run out, that forces the premium cabin attendant to leave us to provide you with more hot water or coffee. Stop it. We require unfettered access to that individual. They cannot be running around the cabin on a whim.
And while there are so many more things that I could enlighten you about, I will end with this: quit asking the crew for the ability to deplane sooner than anyone else because you have a tight connection. That is too bad. Just because you tried to save a buck and made a tight connection that you can’t handle, do not force those of us in front of the curtain to wait just for you to pass. We have places to go and things to do as well; like the SkyClub. Do not even think that you all access this area.
I hope that I have shared some points that will make your travel easier next time. Maybe someday you can make Gold, but those of us in Diamond and Platinum will need to review your application prior to joining this elite group. Only then may you enjoy snacks from our basket.
Have an enjoyable flight.
With that attitude, you should switch to American Airlines. That’s how their employees talk.
Exactly, which is why I fly Delta. Hahaha!
John,
There is something addictive in racking up points and having status. I have a Starbucks Gold card, and I do like the “not having to give my name” perk. They get it right off the card. I even hate skipping a day of Starbucks, since I won’t earn points and get that free drink after only spending $100 or so.
And the card is kind of shiny. Can’t beat that.
My favorite racking up of points, if I may sound so crass, is when I am doing things that reap eternal rewards. Loving those hard to love, giving to those who can never repay, or humbling myself when i feel like giving someone a piece of my mind (which I do carefully, as I never know when I might run out of pieces).
I don’t get a card for that, and I might be mocked for it, but at least the points never expire, and I never need earn any points at all to secure or keep my membership.
Dave
Ephesians 2:19 (ESV) – So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God