You can stop going to church. Go to Target instead.

There are groceries at Target. Your church may have a food pantry, but the selection at Target is wider.

Target has clothing. Your church might have some hand-me downs available. Target has fashionable new clothes.

Target is open every day for many hours. Come and go as you please! The church offers a limited number of services and most of them interrupt your weekend.

You can meet new people at Target. Chat with them about the price of socks or color schemes for your kid’s birthday party. Build loving relationships by avoiding divisive topics like politics, and religion.

Nobody judges anyone at Target. If you want to smash open the doors and steal things off the shelves, Target doesn’t mind. That’s why they have insurance! Most churches draw the line at looting. And when you set fire to a church, you’ll be judged like crazy.

Target cares about you. They will contact you regularly with offers to enrich your life. You’ll get flyers, emails, and even phone calls. Target will never forget you! Target will never ignore you! The church may send a postcard if you skip a few weeks, but they won’t chase after you like Target will.

Celebrities endorse Target! Beautiful, famous people appear alongside the Target logo ALL THE TIME! You don’t see that at your local church. Your church might not even HAVE a logo.

Target lets you keep your religion private. You can be a Buddhist, Hindu, Nazi, Atheist, Satanist, or a combination of all of them; Target won’t ask you to explain yourself. There’s no way that will happen at church. Church folks will grill you non-stop about what you believe. And if your religious views don’t match theirs, they’ll want to debate you. Loving people don’t debate you.

There are zero sermons at Target. At church, half your time would be spent listening to sermons if it weren’t for your phone.

Target is here to serve YOU. The church tells you that you’re supposed to serve OTHERS.

While it’s true that most of the churches in America are feverishly working to be like Target, why wait? Target is ready right now! It has everything you need to satisfy your Western religiosity.

So sleep in on Sunday. Skip church and go to Target. If you’re still unfulfilled and miserable, you can talk to the manager! He’ll fix everything.

But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

1 Corinthians 12:18