One of great things about my status as “old guy” is being able to speak without any regard for how it will impact my popularity. This, coupled with the fact that my popularity is practically zilch anyway, inspired me to write to my sisters in Christ.

Gather round ladies! I’ve got something important to say because I love you. First, notice that I’m not physically touching you. I’m not holding your hand. I don’t have my arm around you. We aren’t sitting side-by-side on a love seat. Because I don’t need to touch you. I can love you without putting my hands on you. Has your boyfriend ever said anything like that?

I wonder because I see the two of you sitting in church, snuggled up like you’re in the back row of a dark movie theater. Arms entwined, he’s stroking your thigh. Why are you doing that? I’ll bet he says he cares about you. You wouldn’t let a dude grope you unless he cares about you. And he’s a Christian. I mean, he MUST be a Christian because he’s in church, right?

I’m a Christian too. And I’m an old guy who doesn’t care if I make you mad. I’m not interested in dating you. I don’t want to touch you. I’m going to tell you the truth because that’s what big brothers are supposed to do for little sisters.

  1. If your boyfriend can’t keep his hands off of you for an hour in church, dump him. He’s a goon. He doesn’t care about your reputation. When he fondles and caresses you in public, he makes you look cheap. When he fondles you in church, it’s worse. A guy who really cares about you won’t make you look bad in public.
  2. If you can’t last an hour in church without feeling your boyfriend’s hands on you, dump him. You’re an insecure child and you shouldn’t be dating yet. When you need constant physical affirmation from a man, you’re going to be abused. Stop dating and spend your time learning how to feel affirmation without being groped.
  3. Sex is the easy part of relationships. There are millions of guys who are willing to feel you up. Millions of guys would be happy to stroke your thigh in church. But it doesn’t have to be YOUR thigh. Any thigh will do. Millions of guys see you as nothing but a collection of body parts. They’ll say anything so long as you let them handle your parts.
  4. Nobody appreciates your public displays of affection. Most church people won’t tell you that you’re acting like a slut. You’re mistaken if you think I’m the only one noticing your behavior. I’m just the guy who’s saying what the cowards are thinking.
  5. Act like you know God loves you. You do know that God loves you, right? Well, act like it. When the creator of the universe loves you, you don’t need a boy to drool on you in order to feel “special”. There’s a word for when your boyfriend’s love matters more to you than God’s love – “Idolatry”. You and your boyfriend are worshiping each other during your church make-out sessions.

You may be tempted to dismiss me as a “victim blamer” or “slut shamer” or some other term that I’ve not heard yet. Don’t do that. Remember, I have nothing to gain from saying these things. I don’t want anything from you. And my conscience would bother me if I didn’t tell you the truth.

Men will use you if you let them. Christian men will use you in church if you let them.


ALSO: If you’re a guy who’s groping girls in church, knock it off. Don’t put the girl you claim to love in the awkward position of having to say, “Take your hands off me.” She’s not in church for you. Stop distracting her. Fold both your hands into your lap and say a prayer. Ask God to tell you how love behaves.

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7 Responses

  1. I’m scared to share this one, but I’m doing it anyway. Gee I wish I could lecture every girl I run into about respecting themselves. We train others how to treat us. What we permit shows what we deem as acceptable behaviour. Raising our standards of what respect means in the first place protects us from becoming victims.

  2. BRAVO!!! Now could you also write one addressed to the married couples who can’t keep their hands off each other during church? A back rub ain’t a thigh but really?!? That can’t wait??? Set a better example for the unmarried and young who are watching! Both hands on your Bible! 😉

    1. I wasn’t aware that married people struggle with keeping their hands to themselves. I’m going to have to think about this before I comment…:)

      1. Forgot this part, guy back rubbing his wife while standing to sing is on pastoral staff. 🤮 It’s like seeing a little with their blankie.

  3. 👏👏👏
    Little Sisters, please listen to John. He’s right, and your acting in heat makes your big sister want to throw up, drag you out of your “boyfriend’s” aka troglodyte’s groping, slimy tentacles, shove him out the door and get thee to a nunnery.

    You actually have the power to say “no” and cool both of you down. Please learn how to use it, and dump any male who won’t respect you and the circumstances – especially when you’re in Church.

    A boy or man who cannot control himself is a bad match for anyone, and will not only be a nightmare boyfriend but horrific mate. What if he can’t control his urges when he sees another lovely lass elsewhere? How will you feel, then? Special? I doubt it.
    How will you feel when he always wants to do what he wants? Special? Doubtful. How will you feel when he wants to drink as much as he wants, not go to work but play video games instead, commit all the feel-good sins he wants with no regard for common decency or your well-being…. this creep (whom your father should smack) is on his way to dragging you into a rotten existence. You may well follow him into darkness…

    What if your hormones have been fired up, untimely? You, too, need to cool your jets and not be a slattern.
    Your soul, and person, is far more beautiful when chaste, humble and holy than mimicking the wanton sluts portrayed on soft-porn TV and in the movies. That is not how real, God and self-respecting, women act.

    The man I married? He has a military background, high self-discipline, and I absolutely loved his stance on no PDA (Public Displays of Affection). He saves that for when we’re private. Both of us treat each other with deep respect, out in public and in our personal lives. Deep love thrives in a respectful relationship. We might unobtrusively twine fingers while standing in line for a movie, we smile, but we save our joyous passions for each other where you’ll never see. It’s way more fun, too.

    Wishing you happy, blessed lives, Little Sisters.
    Thank you, John, for speaking up!
    More young women need to hear what you have to say. Fathers and Mothers, please help your children understand this.

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