The following is a true story.

…

There was nobody else Delta’s customer service region at the airport.

The Girl lifted one of the phones to her ear.

Tears in her eyes.

Into the receiver she yelled, “You fortunate people are ruining my fortunate life!”

*pause* (Presumably, the Delta Airlines representative was replying.)

Whatever was said, The Girl’s response was, “Fortunate Delta! Fortunate Delta!”

*pause* *lip trembles*

“Because you made me miss my fortunate flight!”

*pause* *sniffle*

“I’ve been waiting for two hours at the gate!”

*pause*

“Well, I didn’t hear a fortunate boarding announcement!”

*pause* *foot stomp*

“You fortunate people are making me lose my fortunate job!”

“I’m going to lose my fortunate job!”

*pause* *sobbing*

“Fortunate Delta! Fortunate! Fortunate! Fortunate Delta!”

*pause*

…

The exchange went on for about 40 minutes.

The Girl’s side of the conversation was essentially the same.

…she just rearranged the adjective a little.

Successfully demonstrating an epic fail.

To achieve a debacle of equal magnitude,

make note of these 2 specifics:

1) Blame Delta.

While it’s obviously Delta’s fault when you miss a boarding call,

Delta can be implicated as the reason behind any unfortunate happenstance.

Don’t have enough milk for breakfast?

Delta!

Got a parking ticket?

Delta!

Is your whole life ruined?

Fortunate Delta!

2) Occupy the center of the Universe.

Believe it’s reasonable for a plane full of people

to come back and pick you up when you miss the boarding call.

It’s crucial you make that flight!

You are the only passenger that matters.

The other 300 people aren’t going to lose their fortunate jobs!

You matter.

Nobody else does.

Especially not the fortunate Delta employee on the phone.

**NOTE:  To avoid offending my more sensitive readers, the word “fortunate” appears in this post as a place holder for another word that starts with ‘F’.