The weekly meeting of the “Old Lady Bludgeoning Club” will come to order.

The Secretary will read the club’s mission statement.

“The OLBC exists to promote good will toward fellow members. Also to pummel old ladies wherever they’re found.”

Thank you, Mr. Secretary.

We recently received a complaint from a non-member that warrants the club’s attention.

The complaint is a formal objection to part of the club’s mission statement.

“Someone has a problem with promoting good will?”

No. They object to the second part of the mission statement.

“They’re opposed to beating up old women?”

So it would seem.

“That’s racist!”

Agreed.

“I bet it was an old lady that complained!”

Probably.

“We have the right to assemble!”

Yes.

“We have the right to free speech!”

No question.

“How do we handle this?”

Glad you asked. I have a plan.

Step 1: Deny that our mission statement exists.

Step 2: Refer to anyone who follows the mission statement as extremist.

Step 3: Pummel old ladies at will.

“You can’t seriously think that will work.”

It will work.

“Somebody will figure it out!”

No, they won’t.

“There will be negative press!”

The press will blame the NRA.

…and Christians.

“Who’s going to believe that?”

Tolerant people.

“You’re a genius!”

Meeting adjourned.

Get out there and live for the cause.