I’m an expert at rejecting compliments.

Whenever someone dares fire a kind word in my direction,

I employ one of several defensive techniques.

Sometimes I argue with the compliment.

“You’re writing is so thoughtful.”

No it’s not.

You’re too easily impressed.

BOOM!

Rejected!

This technique not only voids the compliment,

…it also questions the compliment giver’s intelligence.

Win-Win.

Another technique I use is upon hearing a compliment,

I confess a flaw.

“Have you lost weight?”

Yeah, but I’ve got bad dandruff.

…and my math SAT scores are abysmal.

…and I’ve never cleaned under the refrigerator.

It’s like I’m trying to maintain cosmic balance.

Every compliment must be offset.

Sometimes I fire back a compliment of my own.

“You’re a good comedian.”

Yeah?  Well…you’re wearing the greatest hat in the universe!

…PLUS that cologne makes you smell sophisticated and wise!

Balance achieved.

The universe in perfect equilibrium.

Sometimes other people don’t have immediately obvious qualities to compliment.

So I have to FIND something to praise about them.

I’ll challenge them to a thumb wrestling match.

…and let them win.

Boy! You’ve got unbeatable thumbs!

…the digits of a warrior!

…bet you’re an incredible hitchhiker!

Hopefully, you’ll find these techniques useful.

If you do, please don’t tell me.

An anxious heart weighs a man down,

but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25