All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16
I’m going to show you the proper way to use scripture improperly but first a quick question.
Why are you still using scripture at all?
Most successful Christian authors don’t even own a Bible.
You only need 3 things to achieve popular success as a Christian writer:
- contempt for Christians
- commitment to never judge anyone (except those contemptible Christians)
Maybe you’re feeling nostalgic and want to throw some bible into your writing for old time’s sake.
Scripture references still carry some weight with the old folks.
Religious relics like G.K. Chesterton, Oswald Chambers and A.W. Tower occasionally tossed in a Bible verse.
…and they sold TONS of books!
So scripture is still a useful gimmick among certain audience.
Learning how to quickly and easily mishandled scripture will save lots of time.
Here are three tips for mastering biblical misuse.
1. Don’t quote specific chapter and verse.
Say vague things like, “…it says in the scripture…” or “…the Bible says…”.
As long as your quote sounds religious, it’ll work.
Here are a few examples of phrases that most people think came from scripture:
- The Lord helps those who help themselves.
- Cleanliness is next to godliness
- All dogs go to heaven.
- God’s love is unconditional.
Most people won’t bother looking up scripture but if someone should call you out for citing phrases that aren’t actually in the Bible, just tell them you’re using a different translation.
2. Apply general scriptural principles to specific cultural issues.
The Bible is most effective when used as a bludgeon.
Scripture can be used for teaching, rebuking or training.
Always go with rebuking.
The fruits of the spirit are excellent for this.
It’s not necessary to know ALL the fruits of the spirit.
Just pick a couple, then accuse other people of not having them.
For example:
“The Bible says to be kind! You should pay more taxes!”“You’re not being kind when you oppose free healthcare!”“You own a gun? That won’t make you more kind or gentle!”
Since you’re not specifying chapter and verse…
…you can even make up new fruits of the spirit!
“The fruit of the spirit is feminism!”
3. Cut and Paste
I learned this technique from atheists…
…proving that God can use anybody.
Find snippets of scripture that support your claims and use them.
Don’t worry about their context.
For example:
“A man is sleeping with his father’s wife.” – 1 Cor. 5:1
Clearly, the Bible supports incest.
“Now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister…” 1 Cor 5:11
Biblical support for holding a grudge against family:
“Therefore let us keep the Festival…” 1 Cor 5:8
Partying is biblical.
And…
With ellipses, you can make scripture say anything!
“…immorality among you…of a kind…is…good. …You must associate with anyone…who is immoral…even eat with such people.” – 1 Cor 5:1-9
…
Now get out there and reclaim the culture for Jesus!
Don’t let a lack of doctrine discourage you.
Just speak your personal opinion and the Lord will bless you.
Remember: God helps those who help themselves.
11 Responses
Always start your sentence with “this just my paraphrase of the verse”.
I heard this scripture used to justify a pastor’s wealth.
Ecclesiastes 2::26
26 To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.
Ha I think I got one
When you are too hungry to think
Genesis 25:30
He said to Jacob,”Quick! Let me have some of that red stuff!”
Here’s my favorite. The bible teaches us not to pick on bald dudes. I don’t even have to change it … I just have to leave out the backstory.
2 Kings 2:23-24 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.
Since I went all serious in my first reply… I will have fun this one.
Hosea 1:2 (CEV) When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to him,“Go, marry a prostitute…”
Dave
John,
Yep. Folks treat Scripture like malleable clay or like a Madame Tussauds creation that looks lifelike, but can be formed to suit your fancy.
If I may be permitted to slightly veer from the main point of the post, folk love to do the same with Jesus.
I have heard and read so many unique versions of “If Jesus were alive”, that His modern exploits would likely fill more space than a score of New Testaments.
People create their own version of God and Jesus to worship, and do it unapologetically. Had I a Lincoln Penny for every time I have heard “Well, the God I worship isn’t like that.”, as if they can disregard the actual God Scripture describes and not be guilty of idolatry for having created their own god. It is like people have reverted to having household gods like in the Old Testament.
But that is a rant for another day, when it is more on-topic.
(Right ow, I have a custom radio station playing via Pandora on my Roku as I type… am I the only one who gets choked up at the ending of “The Little Drummer Boy?” Hmm.. better erase this before I submit the post…)
Back on topic.
It is easy for people to play loose and free with Scripture when they don’t know it well, and don’t submit to its authority and Divine Authorship, be they claimers of the title Christian or not. They subscribe to “The Gospel According to Me” and see no issue with it.
I may have mentioned this before in a post, but I handle Scripture with fear and trembling, not wanting to be guilty of mishandling the holy words of God. Some parts of Scripture are challenging to live, but I can’t discount them because they are not to my liking. The idea of loving those who hate you is something that chafes at my sinful nature, but I dare not explain it away. Truly, those tougher parts of Scripture tens to be the core of what makes us believers distinct among those who profess a faith in other religions.
Anytime I hear someone say, “Well, that is stupid,” about Scripture, my ears perk up. It had been invariable one of the things that make following Christ unique.
An MTV special on “The Seven Deadly Sins” I saw a long time ago presented average Joes and celebrities with a lots of sins and asked what they thought. (As if that would make difference in God’s opinion on the matter…) Predictably, the “stars” were not all that keen on calling sin sin. Kirstie Alley, when asked about pride, gave us her great wisdom. “I don’t think Pride is a sin,” says Kirstie Alley, “and I think some idiot made that up. Who made these up anyway?”
“Lust isn’t a sin,” proffers Ice-T. “Just from that being the first sin, I’m willing to believe that these are all dumb.”
My recall of the detail of the show were hazy, so I referenced a web site for the quotes. More can be seen at articles.latimes.com/1993-08-11/entertainment/ca-22512_1_deadly-sins
What makes it even more offensive, as the original post gently prods, is when people who profess to be believers misuse Scripture.
I once had a pastor who went to great lengths to say that when the Bible says that Jesus turned water into wine, it was not “beverage alcohol”, but grape juice. Because he was Baptist, and Baptists don’t drink, of course. At least not in front of other Baptists…
I fear that some teachers spend more time trying to convince us that what Scripture clearly says is not what Scripture means than they do of properly handling Scripture, even the hard parts. Especially the hard parts.
Homosexuality is a sin, says Scripture. “Oh, but that was just a cultural thing”, I have heard. Or, “What they really meant was promiscuity, since they were not taking about committed relationships.” Much easier than taking the stand that Scripture takes.
“God hates divorce,” says Scripture. But to listen to some modern teachers, it is like divorce merely isn’t God’s preference, or it is just one of His pet peeves.
The idea that we sin when we lust or envy or are jealous in our hearts or are guilty of committing murder if we hate our brother is rejected. Or at least minimized.
These things, as I have already belabored, are the distinctives of Biblical Christianity.
So I challenge those who take issue with what Scripture says just be honest: form your own religion, write your own holy book, and be straight with it. Please just stop calling yourselves Christians.
Dave
Acts 20:26-28 (ESV) – Therefore I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all, for I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God. Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.
Clearly, the Bible is just a fairy tale.
One day the trees went forth to anoint a King over them, and they said to the olive tree, ‘Reign over us!’
Judges 9:8
The Bible says there is no God…
Read it for yourself!
“…there is no God…as we have heard with our own ears.”
2 Samuel 7:22
Now you got it!
What are you doing here, woman? Don’t you know that the Bible says
“Women should remain silent… They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission…”
You should have taught her better, John.