The Supreme Court in the state of Washington has overturned the decision to call the Asian giant hornet, ‘Murder Hornets’ and officially reduced the charges against the insects to ‘Manslaughter’. However, the court stated the public is encouraged to maintain the same level of irrational panic.
When asked to explain the decision, one of the judges commented, “Murder requires premeditation. It is our opinion that a bug doesn’t think about killing. I mean, it’s just a bug! When a hornet stings a person, it’s not motivated by malice. At least, we don’t believe it is. It’s really hard to understand what a bug is thinking. At any rate, it is this court’s opinion that murder is an inappropriately severe charge for an arthropod.”
The judge was quick to add that panic is still the correct public response. Even though the charge has been reduced, we should continue to behave as if the world is ending. Tear your clothes. Shriek uncontrollably. Curl up into a ball and await death. Do whatever comes naturally when you lose all hope.
If the Manslaughter Hornets don’t get you, the Killer Bees will. The judge explained, “We have no plans to downgrade ‘killer’ to ‘wounder’.”
3 Responses
Too many liberal, soft-on-crime judges out there on the Left Coast. Just look at the way that hornet is lurking, getting ready to pounce. It is premeditating. And look at those tats on its forehead.
I don’t make the news. I just report it, Ron.
I like what you did here. It is very important to maintain the level of human panic at all costs, while being sensitive to the feelings of the hornets.
We certainly don’t want them to panic.