So, you’re having a family crisis and you’re not ready to talk about it yet. That makes perfect sense. Pull away from every potential source of help and wallow in isolation for awhile. Hiding from problems often makes them go away.
That’s what Adam and Eve taught us. They went through something of a family crisis when they realized they had broken the only rule God gave them in paradise. Their instincts told them to hide. They weren’t ready to talk about their sin just yet.
If you know the story, God ignored their wishes for privacy and rudely insisted they explain why they wanted to cower behind a tree. Adam and Eve thought sin was an appropriate reason to ask others to give some space. They were wrong. So are you.
“John, you jerk! Who said anything about sin? A crisis isn’t a sin!”
It’s true that every crisis is not a sin. Do you know how I can tell when your suffering is NOT because of your wrongdoing? You’ll talk about it.
You’re eager to tell me about suffering that isn’t brought on by your bad choices or mistakes. Remember when a tree fell on your house? You were ready to talk about it immediately. When the aphids ate your Azaleas you didn’t ask me to respectfully keep my distance. Sure, when your grandfather died, you had a private funeral just for immediate family but you TOLD ME THAT YOUR GRANDFATHER DIED! You didn’t send a cryptic text, “I’m going through some stuff right now. Not ready to talk about it. Thanks for understanding.”
I do understand your reluctance to air dirty laundry. I would probably do exactly the same thing if I were in your place (but I don’t know for sure because you refuse to tell me what’s going on). Unfortunately for you (and maybe me) the scripture doesn’t leave it to us to decide how to handle our family crisis. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16) It’s scary and painful to talk about the ugly details of a crisis, especially when you suspect the mess might be at least partially your fault. God anticipated whatever you’re going through right now and gave you friends to help carry the burden. So quit hiding behind that tree.
(Galatians 6:1) “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
One Response
Thank you for this, John!
I’m on standby to listen and do what I can for friends, family and others, yet as a kid I was punished for saying anything about any struggles I was enduring (because it would reveal sins of perpetrators). Under literal threat of death I learned not to cry out, not to ask for help.
The thought of not having to suffer alone makes me weep – yet where can you find someone who actually cares? I’ve found too many who sure want my help and compassion, yet couldn’t give a rat’s ass when I’m struggling.
I guess I hang around with the wrong people – even if they profess to be Christian…
I did go to confession with an elderly, gentle priest 2 weeks ago.. Confessing my sins was one of the top 5 healing encounters this year – far more healing than the hospital I was in for strokes.
Thank you for your writing, John…
You make me laugh, think and weep…