The following post will expose raw emotions.

To avoid being confronted with uncomfortable truths, stop reading now!

You find yourself inexplicably attracted to someone…

…do you tell them?

…What if they’re married?

…What if they’re a gorilla?

A real gorilla.

But not just any old gorilla…

…THIS GORILLA!

He lives in the Tokyo zoo.

His name is Shabani…

…which translates roughly to mean ‘Furry Hunk-A-Burnin-Love’.

And apparently, women are going ape over this gorilla.

Which gets back to my original question:

You find yourself smitten by a handsome gorilla, do you admit it?

Have you got the kind of friends who would be cool about it?

“Yeah! I see what you’re talking about! He’s a doll.”

Or are your friends more like me?

“You know that’s not a member of our species, right?”

I remember, when I was very young…

…having a crush on Betty Rubble.

I never told anyone.

Despite my young age I understood that Betty and I could never be together.

…I was a four-year old boy made of flesh and blood.

…she was just a pre-historic drawing.

…Plus, she was already married to Barney.

Years later, I had a discussion with some friends about this woman:

Jessica Rabbit broke my friends’ hearts.

It was devastating to behold.

…and quite a bit creepy too.

Relationships between humans and cartoons are extremely difficult.

…that’s what the whole movie was about!

…plus she was already married to Roger.

Even now, I’m far from ‘at peace’ with these confessions.

Am I no better than a pack of Japanese women going ga-ga for a gorilla?

YES!

I am better!

…I never crushed on a cartoon gorilla!