A recent study published by psychological experts revealed a startling fact.
“Spouses having sex with other people damages marriage relationships.”
Fancy Psychological Study by Someone with a Ph.D.
This is ground breaking stuff.
It’s took a long time to discover.
I know some people who cheated on their spouses.
The spouses, every single time, became angry, irrational and even homicidal.
I figured it was just a coincidence.
How could I know that cheating creates problems?
Christian psychologists write stuff like this:
“We will gain perspective on the events that shaped your views of yourself and your patterns of coping, and how the patterns that each individual brings to the marriage shapes the “dance” of the marriage.
Actual Description of An Actual Program That Was Actually Given to An Actual Person Who Was Unfaithful To Their Spouse
We also look at the issues of shame and identity, negative pain cycles in the marriage, and healthy intimacy. We pull all the patterns apart, gain understanding of them, and find a new way forward.
When we have had significant issues of abuse and neglect in childhood, we look for ways to get the comfort we longed for as a kiddo. Healing happens when we find healing for the deep wounds, rather than just trying to stop the coping behaviors (e.g. “just repent and get over it”).
And when someone is coping with their deep wounds through some form of compulsive acting out, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex or whatever, their spouse is also having to manage a painful dance of their own, usually one they learned in childhood, as well.
So both people must change in order to heal the marriage.“
Lots of talk about “pulling patterns apart” and “pain cycles” and “acting out because of deep wounds”.
And “dancing” too.
When you say, “both people must change” that’s different from…
“Quit having sex with people who are not your spouse.”
It’s also different from, “Submit to each other out of love.”
The revelation that infidelity harms marriage is helpful.
Maybe psychology will provide definite answers to some of my other questions.
Like, “Is it bad for children to be abused?”
Or, “Should I lie to my friends about everything?”
I’m eager to pull apart some pain cycles so I can put childhood hurt behind me and get busy dancing!
That’s sounds much easier than admitting I’m a selfish ass.
2 Responses
I wonder if Jeremiah 32:35 should have been added to his scripture references,
“They built the high places of Baal in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom, to offer up their sons and daughters to Molech, though I did not command them, nor did it enter into my mind, that they should do this abomination, to cause Judah to sin.”
See! I can use scripture too!
I know that when I talk to people about the importance of voting, something I was unsure of myself until this recent administration, is that they must decide for themself. I add that I, however, cannot side with the slaughter of our nation’s children A.K.A. “women’s rights.”
Somebody, somewhere once prayed that, “He would not take us out of the world, but keep us from the evil one.” (I don’t think that He was describing our president. If He were, I’m sure He would have added the “orange” and “bad” adjectives.)
Since I have not been taken out of the world, I am going to be present in the world. I will be present in the elections. And while I am waiting for Jesus’ return, I will use my voice to “Stand in the gap” (This is fun; weaving scripture into my ramblings!) for those that don’t have a voice.
I’m dying. This is the best mix of comedy & truth ever.