Apparently, Superman is bi-sexual. We’re not talking about Clark Kent. He’s still straight but he’s retired and his son is taking over the superhero business. So there’s a new Superman in town and THAT Superman will have sex with women OR men. As of this moment, he doesn’t do animals. (Be patient, zoophiles.)
It would not be inappropriate to respond to this news by shrugging your shoulders and focusing your attention on something more important like clipping your toenails or staring at a bug. Superman isn’t real. He’s like Santa Claus (who is still straight because DC Comics doesn’t own the rights to the Santa franchise). Fictional characters aren’t REALLY good guys or bad guys. They can’t be gay, straight, male, female, black, white, republicans, democrats, good guys or villains. Technically speaking, Superman is just graffiti.
But before you shrug and grab the clippers, I want to call your attention to another aspect of Superman that actually matters a little bit. While it is technically true that Superman is merely ink marks on paper, he represents something important. He is a symbol of humankind’s best virtues. He is a role model.
You want to be a superhero. Don’t even bother denying it. Everybody wants to be able to fly through the air like a bird. Everyone wants to breathe underwater or shoot flames from their buttocks (Yes. Ask any 6 year old boy about farting fire and see what he says.) Sadly, we’re unable to do super things. So we imitate.
We put on a mask, tie a cape over our shoulders, leap off the couch and shout, “Up, up, and away!” But we don’t stop there. We also imitate a superhero’s non-super powers. We fight crime. We defend truth. We uphold justice. We know we’re never going to be “super” but we still want to become heroes.
Well…I mean…that’s what we USED to want. We don’t want that anymore.
Superman becoming bi-sexual represents a change in the way we think. The partly-gay ‘Man of Steel’ is a symbol of our self-worship. We don’t strive to be like superheroes anymore. Now, we create superheroes who are already just like us. Our heroes are mere reflections of our current values, not something we aspire to become.
A superhero that’s larger than life offends us. We won’t tolerate anyone who is morally superior to ourselves (even if they shoot fire from their butts). That’s why anti-heroes are popular. It makes us feel good about ourselves to see wretched, wicked protagonists come out on top.
Our idolatry is so rampant that comic books are re-making ALL the superheroes to be different colors, genders, and sexual orientations. We demand that our heroes look like us because we’re awesome just the way we are. We don’t care about truth or justice because we’re fixated on skin color and gender.
Superman’s sexuality matters as much as Santa Claus’ ethnicity. If you need to see Superman kiss a dude, Thor become a woman, or Santa Claus match your skin color; then you’re part of the reason America is collapsing. Nobody wants to be a superhero anymore. We think we’re better than them already.
“For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you.”
– 2 Thessalonians 3:7
