A 174-year old man who was quarantined in 1918 during the Spanish Flu epidemic, has emerged from his dusty catacomb with a crucial message for non-essential workers: “Stay home!”

Morris McGee was 72 years old when the Spanish Flu claimed thousands of lives around the world. To escape certain death, Morris descended into a cave near his Midwestern farm house. “I didn’t know nothin’ bout flattening curves,” he explains. “I was just scared to die. So I grabbed a box of saltines and a change of underwear and went underground to wait out the plague.”

McGee admits that life in quarantine was inconvenient. “I ran out of crackers pretty quickly. And I should have grabbed some water rather than the underwear. Sitting in the dark for endless hours makes you funny in the head too,” he said while scratching his ear with his foot.

When asked to reveal his secret for surviving over 100 years in lock-down, McGee responded, “I slept a lot.”

Non-essential people around the world should be encouraged by the story of Morris McGee. Prolonged lock-down saves lives. Human beings can survive for a century with nothing but pluck and a dirty pair of shorts. If Morris can do it, so can you.

Tragically, McGee passed away immediately after giving this interview. His last words were, “It’s what year??!!! Twenty-twenty???!!!!!!” Then he clutched his chest and was gone – another victim of the COVID-19 virus.

Stay home, non-essential people! You’ve already killed a 174-year old hero in your haste to “get back to normal.” Stay in isolation. Wash your hands. Take a nap. A century will fly by before you know it!