Dennis Prager suggests that the option of divorce makes marriage better. His reasoning is that people don’t work to improve things they have no fear of losing. He asks, “Who is likely to work harder at a job; someone who knows that they could in fact be fired, or someone who knows that no matter how much they slack off, they won’t be fired?” He goes on to suggest that marriage is like a job hence the possibility of divorce motivates you to strive for a better spousal performance.
Let me ask a question as well. “Who is likely to suggest that divorce is good for marriage; someone who has never divorced, or someone who has divorced multiple times?”
Setting aside my speculations on the possible motivations for advocating for the destruction of families, I assume that Dennis is trying to say that it’s good to work at having a healthy, happy, marriage. We agree about this. I’m a huge fan of personal responsibility in relationships. Three cheers for trying to be a good spouse!
However, my marriage isn’t a job. I didn’t hire my wife to do the job of ‘spouse.’ Which means I can’t divorce her for poor spousal performance. Her status as my wife doesn’t depend on her meeting my expectations. At the same time, she can’t divorce me for disappointing her.
I’ve never accepted a job offer that required me to, “forsake all other jobs for the rest of my life.” That being said, I am obliged to live by whatever promises I make to my employer. I need to be honest, hard-working, respectful, and treat my employer (and co-workers) the way I want to be treated. But if a better job comes along, I can take it. It is not a sin to pursue by own best interests in the area of employment.
This is NOT the deal I made with my spouse. I don’t get to leave her for a ‘better’ wife. The marriage covenant isn’t concerned with my happiness. The covenant protects my family from my selfishness. During the many times I felt like calling it quits and ‘firing’ my imperfect wife, the vows I made to God held the marriage together. My home remained intact because I didn’t have divorce as an option.
Divorce won’t solve relationship problems. Calling it quits doesn’t teach you how to endure hard times. Abandoning your family won’t make you less selfish. You don’t get better at staying together by splitting up.
Mark (10:6) “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
One Response
First of all, Dennis Prager is using a metaphor. Second, there are 3/4 passages in the Bible that actually gives reasons for divorce. The Old Testament allows for, and the New Testament affirms, the following grounds for divorce:
Adultery (in Deuteronomy 24:1, affirmed by Jesus in Matthew 19)
Emotional and physical neglect (in Exodus 21:10-11, affirmed by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7)
Abandonment and abuse (included in neglect, as affirmed in 1 Corinthians 7)
These days, commitment is just about considered to poison regardless of marriage, job, or anything else that requires follow-through. BTW, I am married 52+ years.