I had just retired to my bed chamber with a cup of gruel when I heard a rattling at the door. Before I could open it, the ghost of Florence Nightingale swept into the room and spoke to me.

*** WARNING: FLORENCE HAS A POTTY MOUTH ***
READER DISCRETION ADVISED

“Florence,” I responded, “why would you say such a thing?” Then I remembered that I had written a post calling out essential workers for being hypocrites and a bunch of nurses mistakenly thought I was slamming healthcare workers. Evidently, ‘The Lady With The Lamp’ had taken offense on behalf of every nurse on Earth.

Attempting to explain myself, I replied, “Oh! You think I hate nurses! I can assure you, Florence, that is not true. I have nurses in my family! I’ve been the recipient of nursing care many times in my life and…”

“Um…I don’t believe you speak for every RN and Doctor everywhere. I won’t argue with your assessment of my character since everyone is entitled to an opinion. If you will allow me to speak I might be able to…”

“That is an odd thing for a nurse to say. I understand why you’re angry and I might be able to clear things up if you’ll let me…”

“Again, I don’t think you represent every healthcare worker. As for doing comedy on television, no, I can’t! That was the point I was trying to make. I’m a non-essential person so I’m not allowed to do my job.”

“Right. I’ve heard a hundred nurses tell me that. I would suggest that I am essential to my loved ones. Nurses should have sympathy for all people, not just people who share their point of view.”

“I gotta confess, Florence, you don’t talk like any of the nurses I know.”

“See, that’s exactly what I was writing about! It is outrageous to accuse me of ‘contributing to the death toll’ because I want to provide my family with an income. Also, it is not for you to tell me that prolonged unemployment is just sacrificing ‘a little comfort’ especially when you are still bringing home money…”

“That is a very ugly, unkind thing to say.”

“Is that a threat? That sounds like a threat…”

“I’ve been a patient for over 50 years and even the most vile nurses have not been more offensive. What exactly do I deserve? Check the comments, Florence, and you’ll see that I’ve gotten thousands of hateful screeds from allegedly compassionate healthcare workers. Nothing in my writing even comes close to the level of hate I’ve been show by the nursing community.”

“BUT – I want to be clear, I don’t think you speak for all the nurses, Florence. I think the majority of nurses are hard-working and conscientious professionals. Only a fool would take the hate-fueled raving of any single nurse as representative of the whole nursing profession. I am no fool.”

“Tell you what, Florence, I’m willing to forget all this. I mean, it’s been over 2 weeks now. Honestly, there are dozens of things that take priority in my life over your hurt feelings. Things like grass stains, cat litter, spoiled milk, and the lint trap in my dryer are ALL more important than your opinion. Let’s put this behind us and move forward. No hard feelings. What do you say?”

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12 Responses

      1. I am aware. I’m shocked that people are comfortable posting these things on fb. I was also attacked for posting a positive comment on your original post.

  1. Sad. I work with nurses. That person does NOT speak for all nurses. What a hateful person. Makes me wonder why she (? wouldn’t want to mis-gender) went into what is considered a helping profession.

    1. That person is actually multiple people. I assembled Florence’s dialogue from thousands of comments I received from different compassionate heroes across the US.

  2. I wonder why someone presenting oneself as a nurse does not know that you would not be watching with terror in your eyes as they intubate you. You would be sedated into unconsciousness first.

  3. Still feeling a tad bit unloved our we? I wish I could apologize on behalf of all the nurses out there, but I am not a nurse.

    1. You’re sweet. But I’m not expecting an apology from anyone at this point. I tried four different times to explain myself. After two weeks, I’m STILL getting bombarded by mindless trolls. I’m going to move on but I’d built up a dangerous level of snark over the past two weeks and I had to do something to relieve the pressure.

      1. Oh man, my sarcasm must be rusty. I was attempting less to be sweet then to stress the ALL as I couldn’t apologize for all the nurses even if I was a nurse, just like all the nurses that are castigating you can’t speak for all the nurses. Personally I am starting to hit “hide post” on all the ones that are showing nurses, etc. as super heroes or reminding us to thank them. I just can’t take it anymore. No, we don’t have to thank and worship them for doing their job.

  4. Wonderful that this nurse can pick and choose who she gives care to. That’s extremely encouraging.

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