There are historic events happening in Iran right now. Things that could change the course of history. You probably already know this because you’re reading my blog. My tiny platform of influence is made up of people who think about things besides Kim Kardashian’s wardrobe and the newest Apple iteration (which I believe is the iPhone four zillion).

If you don’t know what’s happening in Iran, you’re either marooned on an asteroid orbiting Jupiter or you get current event news solely from mainstream media sources . The “most trusted names in news” are not talking about the situation in Iran because they’re covering important stories like Scandinavian teenagers skipping school. You can get an excellent (short!) summary of what’s happening from this article.

Here’s the gist of the sitch: The people of Iran are angry at their government.

If your opinion of Donald Trump is based on information from CNN, MSNBC, HuffPo, and the like, all you need to know is: “THE PEOPLE OF IRAN HATE THEIR GOVERNMENT!” You ought to be sympathetic to these people! You are kindred spirits with the Iranians.

Like you, the people of Iran are oppressed by a dictator who doesn’t care about them. Their basic rights have been stripped away. They are being killed for protesting their abuse. Just like you. They are arrested, tortured, and jailed (think ‘cages’) for speaking opposition to the regime. Just. Like. You!

The people of Iran are “resisting”. You can relate to that! Bravely, fiercely, putting their lives at risk for the noble cause of liberty, these people are worthy of admiration. They need you to support them. They are kept ignorant by the corrupt news media. You know exactly what that’s like.

To be clear, your suffering is more severe than the Iranians. You must endure Donald Trump’s unkind tweets. You must find the strength to share the land with people who believe abortion is murder. You coexist with backward, Bible-clutching monsters whose vitriolic rhetoric includes such hateful ideas as “men and women are different,” and “people should be able to keep money they earn.” The Iranians don’t face hostility at this level.

While the Iranians merely face death and you’re constantly barraged with micro-aggression, the point remains that you’re both experiencing persecution from your government. You should stand with Iran. You are fighting the same fight.

If you understand the above as anything other than satire, please stop reading now.

*** End of Article for Never Trump People ***

*** New Article for Everyone Who Doesn’t Hate Trump ***

Since your mind is not warped with hatred for the President, you understand that our government is supporting the Iranian people as they seek to throw off the tyranny of their government. Our government is standing with the oppressed and persecuted.

DON’T TELL THE NEVER TRUMPERS!

Never Trumpers believe themselves to be the most oppressed people on Earth. They stand opposed to ANYTHING the President does. They must be told what to think. The media won’t tell them what’s happening in Iran because Donald Trump is doing the right thing over there. It’s impossible to reject everything Donald Trump does when he’s currently doing an unquestionably good thing.

Feel free to clip the top part of this article and send it to your Never Trump friends. It will encourage them to do the right thing without tipping them off that they’re siding with Trump.