As human beings attempt to disinfect every surface of the Earth, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has issued a stern warning – we could wipe out all the germs in the world.

“Every time you slather sanitizer on your hands, you slaughter millions of microbes,” said Harriet Harold, a harried member of PETA. “If a million people kill a million microbes that’s…um…a lot of dead microbes! We love all animals, not just those we can see without magnification!”

When various world authorities began issuing guidelines for combating the COVID-19 infection, PETA knew it was time to take action. The animal rights activists wisely understood that our unfettered efforts to ‘save lives’ were unfairly benefiting human beings.

“Nobody is thinking about the germs,” explained Harold. “They’re beautiful creatures. You would know that if you studied them. But you won’t do that! You just wash your hands without a thought for all those innocent microorganisms that sluice down the drain!”

PETA has released guidelines for counter-acting the effect of our global “microbe massacre.” The group is demanding these guidelines be made mandatory for every man, woman, and child on the planet. “But we don’t believe in dictatorships,” Harold asserts.

We can’t stand around with our fingers in our noses and watch germs become extinct. Can you imagine a world without beer, pickles, or digestion? That’s what you’ll get if you continue to decimate our microbial friends. So, think before you cough into your elbow.