This is a good meme to memorize for when you are sentenced to prison. A common belief among criminals is that their ‘ugly side’ is someone else’s responsibility.
In reality, your ‘ugly side’ is as much a part of you as your ‘beautiful side.’ That’s assuming you HAVE a ‘beautiful side.’ If your ‘ugly side’ shows up often, then maybe it’s not a side. Maybe you’re just ugly!
Provocation can either be intentional or unintentional. Talk to me and find out if I’m provoking you on purpose or accidentally. Assuming that I’m deliberately antagonizing you is an ugly thing to do.
Unintentional provocation can be changed; SOMETIMES. If my music is too loud, I’ll turn it down if you ask. If my opinions are upsetting you, I will change them when you prove your opinions are better. I can’t read your mind though. You need to speak up so I’ll know what’s bugging you. Then I’ll be able to provoke you intentionally.
Telling me exactly how to annoy you makes intentional provocation easy. Would you tell a burglar where you keep your spare house key? No? Then why in the world would you tell me how to break into your head and mess with your emotions?
“But John, there’s only so much provoking I’ll take. Keep pushing my buttons and you’ll find out!”
You seem upset. Did I provoke you?
You’re missing the point. Pay attention. I’ll say it again: “I cannot provoke you without your permission.” YOU decide how much power I have over you. If I’ve provoked you, it’s because YOU allowed me to do so. AND you’re responsible for whatever ugliness comes out of you, not me.
When you lose control, you are NOT the victim. You create victims. Your ‘ugly side’ is just as toxic and harmful as my intentional provocation. You deserve the consequences of whatever sin you commit when you’re pushed past your breaking point.
Instead of blaming me for your lack of self-control, you should imitate me. Notice that I’ve never let you see my ‘ugly side.’ You have no idea how to push my buttons. As far as you know, I don’t even HAVE buttons. I’m immune to your sarcasm, insults, and verbal abuse. You cannot push me past my breaking point. I control my ugly side. You are powerless to provoke me.
Show me your ‘ugly side’ and I’ll show you your weakness. I’m not playing the victim. When you act out of weakness, I AM the victim.
“In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”
(Psalm 4:4)
One Response
So many need to hear this! We tried to teach our kids this at a young age – If someone else can make you sad, mad, upset, (pick any emotion) then you have put THAT PERSON in control of your emotions. It’s not that hard to understand, it’s fairly simple logic actually, yet I would say most people put anyone BUT themselves in charge of their emotions ….
Thanks for the reminder John!!