Portland, OR: Demonstrators toppled multiple statues throughout the city because some bad things happened in the past. Lawless thugs are coming together in an attempt to erase uncomfortable truth from history by knocking down monuments.
Concerned anarchists have bravely destroyed millions of dollars worth of other people’s property to prove they are unwilling to tolerate injustice. “We won’t put up with greed or corruption anymore,” said a masked individual carrying a stolen television.
A local artist was inspired by the rioters’ ability to focus on committing acts of violence while remaining unburdened by any sense of self awareness or hypocrisy. Willy Pluto, a sculptor who works exclusively in dried wombat vomit, designed a statue to immortalize the lawless mob’s place in history. “I made a statue of rioters pulling down a statue,” said Pluto between puffs on a cigarette, also made from wombat vomit. “It’s my way of giving back to the people who haven’t given anything.”
The statue was erected in the spot made available when rioters tore down a statue of George Washington. The day after the statue of rioters tearing down a statue was unveiled, rioters tore it down. “We won’t put up with historical monuments to bigotry, injustice, or oppression,” said a masked individual going through the pockets of another masked individual who was intoxicated. “We do not discriminate. We hate all discrimination equally!”
The city of Portland is hoping that by doing nothing to stop the vandalism, they’re sending a strong message of disapproval. City council member, Dennis Floom, commented, “We expect the rioters will be ready to listen to reason when they run out of things to destroy. When that time comes, we have some very harsh words for them. In the meantime, we’re going to remove pictures of black people from bottles of pancake syrup.”
One Response
I live in a town where the relatives of one of the “Aunt Jemimas “ live. This town, Hawkins, Tx, actually named our town “The Pancake Capital Of Texas” several years ago in recognition of this lady’s fame.
We don’t have any pancake restaurants, but one of the churches has a history of having a free pancake breakfast every Saturday.
What syrup will they use now?