Awhile back, there was some worry that we might run out of clowns. The people who study clown population (I’m sure those people must exist) were concerned that clowns might become extinct or at least their numbers would dwindle to the point that there wouldn’t be enough faces to target with pies and seltzer bottles.
The clown population in my neighborhood has remained constant for decades
…at zero.
I wouldn’t notice a change in that number unless a clown moved in next door.
Then I would assume that clowns were in abundance. “Goodness,” I would say to myself. “There are so many clowns that they’re taking up residence in small, midwestern towns! We have an excess of clowns!”
But that’s the opposite of the truth. My senses are not always reliable.
Clown numbers are dwindling according to the World Clown Association. Can we trust the statistics kept by a bunch of clowns? These are the same people who continue to pack themselves into tiny cars when mini vans are affordable and readily available. So the data is suspect and I’m suspicious that the clown shortage shouldn’t be something that concerns me.
Like climate change, the clown shortage isn’t real.
But that won’t stop the alarmists from sounding the alarm. “For the sake of future birthday parties and dunk tanks, we need to halt the clown decline! We’ve got to save the clowns!”
There will be all kinds of suggestions for preserving the clown population. There will be proposals for a government funded dating website for clowns.
Call it “BozosOnly”.
I assume the only viable source of new clowns is existing clowns. Let’s round up healthy, virile clowns and put them in a pen. That worked with pandas. How much different can it be to breed clowns?
There should be a fallback contingency in case clowns become extinct.
Let’s legalize cloning.
Clown clones.
Or, I suppose, we could just do nothing and assume that God holds the world in His hands. Worrying about a clown-less future is a waste of time.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34
12 Responses
I think the clown shortage, as well as comedian shortage, is a result of the liberals, liberally ruining any kind of frivolity or joke telling. Thank you, John, for hanging tough and injecting your unique humor into what is quickly becoming a humorless nation! Where are those Good Humor and Mr. Whippy trucks when you need them? Maybe if you convince clowns to drive them…
Have you been living under a rock? All the clowns have taken refuge in Washington DC.
Clowns don’t always come dressed in makeup and costumes. So how would you know if your neighbor was a clown or not? 🤔 I know a few clowns (endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable traits) who enjoy bringing cheer where ever they go, but they don’t wear scary clothes and makeup.
Clowns have no place in society, especially at a child’s birthday party. Did I understand the blog correctly, or superimpose my coulrophobia on the meaning?
You only asked that question because you wanted to use ‘coulrophobia’ in a sentence. Very insensitive to those with Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia…
Close, I wanted to use “superimpose” in a sentence.
I say we send a group of National Geographic editors to the natural habitat of the clowns, and have them show the sad, distressed life that these beautiful creatures now live as a result of humans merely existing on the same planet. Also, throw a few references to Global Warming in that article too. Then many enviromentalists will begin a “Save the Clowns” organization, making millions selling bumper stickers, posters, and such, with about 1% actually going to helping. Google will get behind the act, with a special Google Doodle of a clown’s hair spelling out the G and the clown’s cheeks making the O O, with his hair on the other side making anoter G, and the L and E will be his hands juggling some balls. #SavetheClowns will trend on Twitter, with thousands of thankful tweets that, in reality, do nothing to solve the problem. Coca-Cola will get behind the act, followed by Microsoft and, eventually, Government-provided middle school textbooks will have special “The Clown Conundrum” thought bubbles. The President of the US will officially declare this an emergency.
That’s where things will get interesting. Because of the amount of attention and money being poured into this issue, a global meeting of national leaders will be called, where it will be officially declared that in each country, a National Park will be set aside for the continued survival of the Clown species.
Problem solved. 🙂
I’m most intrigued by your ‘clown habitat’ concept. That idea has merit. Imagine a National Park inhabited by free-range clowns. That would attract more tourists than Old Faithful.
That… would be beautiful. *tear*
I suggest we pack them away in “Space Bags.” Zip “Zippy the Clown” into the bag, suck the air out with your vacuum sweeper and stick him under the bed. Then on your kid’s next birthday just pull the bag out, unzip Zippy and you have an instant party!
No. No. No. We’re trying to create MORE clowns not kill off the ones we have!
I’m not killing them, I’m preserving them! We don’t need more clowns, we just need to hang on to the ones we have.