Experts are debating about whether or not…

…Sex addiction is a real thing.

I’m not bold enough to proclaim myself an ‘expert’ on sex…

…but I’m certainly not a novice either.

Besides…

… I never let a lack of qualifications prohibit my commentary.

I think sex addiction is real…

…because of Heroin.

Heroin is the most efficient way to create a soul-sucking dependency.

Addiction to Heroin can occur after just one use.

Sex addiction can happen…

…with NO USES!

Just like dirt clod addiction.

As a boy, I felt the irresistible pull of a freshly turned field.

Acres of plowed rows covered in countless clumps of topsoil.

I ached to hurl those clumps, like hand grenades…

…KABOOM!

Other boys in the neighborhood felt the same urge.

We’d set up columns of plastic army men…

…and sod-bomb them into oblivion.

We spent days fighting the plastic ranks advancement.

Focused.

Then one of the guys found a nude centerfold picture in his garage…

…and combat ceased.

That crumpled photograph accomplished…

…what decades of peace talks never could.

We were sex-junkies…

…who had never been users.

No drug has that kind of power.

Sex is so addictive…

…we want to observe OTHER PEOPLE use it.

Nobody is tempted to look at pictures of people doing Heroine.

There are no websites for watching videos of cocaine snorters.

So when I hear some guy explain his bad behavior is caused by ‘sex addiction’…

…I want to hit him with a dirt clod.

Of course you’re a sex addict…

…you’re a male.

Grow up!

We can’t cave-in to every impulse.

If we could…

…I’d never drive past a fallow field.